


Matters of the Heart

by flyintherightdirection (CoincidenceConnection)



Category: Chicago Med
Genre: Eventual Romance, F/M, I have a lot of feelings about the upcoming season 4 so I'm uploading my fic from season 2, Originally Posted on FanFiction.Net, Post-Season/Series 01 AU, Rheese - Freeform, Slow Romance, working together
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-19
Updated: 2018-09-28
Packaged: 2019-07-14 11:35:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 32,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16039688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CoincidenceConnection/pseuds/flyintherightdirection
Summary: After Sarah Reese changed her mind about her career choices, what if it wasn't Dr Charles who had an opportunity for her? What if it was Dr Connor Rhodes?(AU after season 1)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there. So I have a lot of feelings about season 4 of Med and whether or not Sarah is coming back so I'm uploading my fic that I wrote after season 1. It's the longest fic I've written, it's originally posted on fanfiction.net and is completed so I'll be uploading pretty quickly.   
> I own only the plot. I have no medical knowledge. And I just really love the show and Rheese :)  
> Hope you enjoy!

Reese hated coffee now. The smell of it. The taste of it. The process of making it.

She used to love it. Not for the substance in itself per se, she always found it slightly bitter, for the memories that she now associated with it.

The hours of studying and researching, where the only things keeping her awake and alert was her drive to be better and the black liquid that helped her keep her eyes open.

The times that she would be drinking it in the doctor's lounge and not know what hour of her shift she was on, and not caring because she loved it. The hustle and bustle and craziness that was the Chicago Med ED.

The minutes she would have to spare while analyzing test results to drink enough coffee to give her energy to keep going. To help another patient. To try to solve the problems she was faced with. To do her best. To help.

Of storing her belongings in her locker before her shift began, while Will or Nat made a batch of coffee for everyone. She met her superiors in that lounge, but after months of trying her best, of failing and trying again, all she was ever met by was a reassuring smile or an understanding nod. Because they were all in that fast-paced, high risk environment together.

Coffee in Chicago Med had made her feel like she finally belonged somewhere.

The presence of coffee all around her in the coffee shop didn't give her any fond associations. It made her panic when the machines wouldn't work and drive her crazy when the customers were picky with their choices. It felt like nearly ten years of study sliding down the drain of one of the sinks behind the counter.

"One Americano" One of her co-workers said, passing one the order to where Reese stood still battling the coffee machine. She didn't even know which co-worker it was. She didn't know half of their names. That was something that she missed about Med, even without name tags, she had known everybody's name. They were all in it together. In this coffee shop? Everyone was here until they finished their required hours. It was always half way through her day that made her want to run back to pathology, and grovel and beg and plead to be taken back, just to have  _something_  to do with medicine again. But she knew it wasn't what she wanted, and it would be as wrong for her as making coffee was.

"Dr Reese?" Her head shot up to look across the counter to see who had called her that. A version of her name that nobody called her by anymore, certainly not the staff here. Even Will, and Ethan and all the rest had called her Sarah, or Reese, when they wrote her that card when she had finished her placement. Hell, even Joey had stopped calling her it. It was an inside joke they shared, he had called her Doctor because he always said she deserved it, until she became one and walked away from pathology. It was a version of her name that she had made peace with not hearing again until she was back practicing medicine again.

"D..Dr Rhodes..." She practically fell over his name when he looked at her. A man full of complications that weren't reflected in his drink choice. It was a game she had, to keep her sane, to pretend she was helping Dr Charles with an assessment or Will with a history search, to match the customers and their drinks. More complicated drinks made her come up with more complicated backstories for the long line of people that came and went all day. But she would not have matched such a straightforward drink to the man that was now looking back at her.

"Hi, hi, how are you?" She felt like a deer caught in headlights, something like what her first day in the ED had felt like. "Americano coming up." She could feel herself flushing red, from embarrassment that she had quit, from the prospect of him thinking she didn't even care about Med anymore, and if she were honest, more from the fact that he was looking at her with his intense stare. One he only wore when he had a problem to solve. She wasn't sure how to deal with his attention.

"I didn't realize you were working here." He said as she busied herself making the drink in front of her.

"Yeah." She couldn't help the sigh that escaped. "I decided pathology wasn't for me. A little too late. But I realize that I want to help people, I want to work with them while they still have a chance. And I can't do that in pathology." She told him the same thing she told everyone who asked, hoping that he would understand and not question her judgment like everyone else, or get annoyed like Joey had.

She handed him the paper cup and waited a beat before continuing. "I, eh, I heard about Dr Downey... I'm sorry." Then she immediately wondered if she had gone too far. She would hardly consider Dr Rhodes and herself friendly, not really.

He just nodded in response and she felt like she burning the rest of her bridges with Med.

He took the cup from the counter and stopped himself before he turned away. "Do you still want to be a doctor, Dr Reese?"

"More than anything." She replied without hesitation. "I'm just waiting for the right opening right now."

He smiled, "See, I knew from the beginning you'd make a great doctor, Sarah. Pathology was a phase for most of us too."

She gave him a small smile, blindsided by the fact that he knew her first name. All this from the man that wouldn't even give her a high five!

"I'll just have to wait for the next openings for matches, and hope my scores are enough." She never liked uncertainty, she liked to be able to do something about the uncertainty.

He placed his cup back on the counter, "There's an opening for a residency, in cardiology. Originally under Dr Downey, but since...Well let's say the match didn't want it without Dr Downey. I'd be one of the fellows on the team, that's how I know about it. You'd probably be needed in the ED quite a bit, dependent on what our new surgeon wants but..."

"Can I sign up now?" She couldn't believe her ears and even managed to wave off one of the co-workers who tempted to interrupt this life-changing conversation.

He smiled again, something she couldn't remember ever seeing him do before today. And something, she decided, that she would like to see more of.

"You'll have to apply, I know Goodwin is taking an interest this time, they don't want to lose another resident, and there is plenty of competition for it, but I'm sure you have a shot. I'm sure you'll get good recommendations from the ED. I just thought you should know."

"Yeah, I understand, but thank you. Thanks for letting me know." She couldn't help but sigh wistfully, "I'd love to get back to Med."

"Speaking of Med, I better get back." He made to move away from the counter. "See you soon Dr Reese."

She smiled, contained her giggles of excitement at the prospect of actually getting to practice medicine again, and waved as he walked out of the café.

Maybe coffee wasn't so bad in the café after all, she decided later that day, because all it seemed to remind her of now was Dr Rhodes. And that wasn't a bad association at all.

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

Aside from her match day, Sarah Reese couldn't remember ever feeling as nervous as she did sitting outside the interview room in the hospital corridor. She was amazed that she had even gotten the interview, but with Dr Downey's passing, she knew it was extenuating circumstances for the residency in cardiology. But still. Ms Goodwin had called her mere minutes after she had sent on her application.

She had thought that her interview had gone well, she had prepared more than she ever had before. Cardiology had always been one of her top goals, it was one of the main reasons she had ever wanted to become a doctor, but the shock of ED had skewed her vision, and suddenly pathology had seemed like the safe option.

Her thoughts were interrupted when the door reopened and it made her stand up from where she was hunched over in the waiting chairs.

Dr Kingston, who was for all intents and purposes her potential boss, stepped out of the room, along with Ms Goodwin. Her stomach dropped because they didn't look too happy. And suddenly the fact that they told her to wait around after her interview all made sense. They wanted to let her down easily, because as far as she knew she was the only medical student that had done a term in Med that was applying for the position.

She fixed her suit jacket and reminded herself to breathe but she could barely look them in the eye. She made a mental note to send Dr Rhodes a thank you card for mentioning the opening to her and prepared herself to go back to the coffee shop the next day.

"Dr Reese." Ms Goodwin stated in the tone that could calm anyone down. "After much deliberation, and considering your results and progress as a student as well as the  _quality_ of your recommendations. And of course, your history with us here…"

Sarah bit her lip, there it was, the pathology rejection coming back to haunt her. She had obviously insulted everyone and caused far too much hassle. Her mind was racing and she was holding back tears.

"We would be delighted to offer you a place on our residency program here on our cardiology team."

If she wasn't a doctor, she would have sworn her heart stopping her chest. She blinked once and then twice. "I'm sorry?"

"I've discussed it with the others in my department of course, and it's a consensus that you would be a very valuable asset to our team Dr Reese." Dr Kingston said.

"I…really? Thank you so much, this means so much. I swear I won't let you down. I swear. Thank you." She shook Dr Kingston's hand and Ms Goodwin's while holding back tears of happiness.

"Once this is what you want Dr Reese?" Ms Goodwin raised her eyebrows.

"Yes, yes I promise I won't back out of this. I really want this opportunity. I can't wait to…oh wow!" She couldn't event think straight, putting her hand to her forehead and laughing with joy and relief. Emotions she definitely hadn't felt on match day.

"Congratulations Dr Reese." Dr Kingston smiled, "Enjoy your day, but I expect you here for the start of shift tomorrow, you have a lot to catch up on." His expression turned serious and she knew immediately that he may seem kind and fair but she knew to be at his level, he had to have high expectations and wouldn't be easy to impress. Doubt tangled and jumped around in her stomach but she pushed it down. She wouldn't worry until tomorrow. Today she had just been given a second shot at her dream.

She thanked them again and started making her way back out of the hospital. Her hands were shaking so much, she could barely dial her mum's number.

"Sarah? How did it go?" Her Mum asked, but she could hear her Dad asking the same thing in the background.

"I got the job Mum! I got the residency!" She practically cried down the phone.

"I knew it! Oh I knew you could do it. Oh I'm so proud of you. Look at you, following your heart works doesn't it?"

"Yeah it does."

"You thank that Dr Rhodes for us won't you? Make sure to thank him again for the heads up Sarah. Look at you! You did so good, they all want you back!"

She had to cut her mother and then her father off when she was heading toward the elevator because she would just cry the whole way down to the exit. And that was not the impression she wanted to make to any future colleagues. She promised to call them later and quickly texted Joey to let him know the good news. She knew he was in the lab all day and couldn't call her until later, having sent her a text that morning. She was hoping for flowers, like he had sent the morning she had got her match, but she shrugged it off, he was busy with work.

She couldn't stop smiling the entire elevator ride down to the ground floor. She kept glancing around, as she made her way to the exit, memorising everything all over again, because next time she would see it, she would be Dr Sarah Reese, Cardiology Resident.

She decided to stop off in the doctors' lounge to see if she could catch Dr Rhodes to thank him and let him know he had another resident on his team. The room was empty when she arrived and she wandered over to the coffee machine and turned it on out of nostalgia.

"I was going to ask for another coffee, but how did the interview go?" Dr Rhodes voice came from the doorway. He was propping it open with his shoulder, blood on his shirt and a slightly nervous expression in his eyes.

She laughed, "I won't be making anyone coffee anytime soon."

"You got the job." He nodded, "Congratulations, you deserve it."

"I can't thank you enough, seriously. At this stage, you can probably expect a thank you card from my parents as well for getting me the opportunity."

"Hey," Dr Rhodes held his hands up. "I just told you about it, getting the job is on you. I'll have to let Maggie know, she's organising a party for you in Molly's later by the way. I've got surgery later…" His pager beeped. "Or now, so if I don't make it tonight, I presume I'll see you tomorrow. Congratulations Sarah." He patted her shoulder and ran.

True to Dr Rhodes' word, Sarah got a text off Maggie a few minutes later congratulating her and telling her to get to Molly's that evening to celebrate with her new colleagues.

She walked around the city a bit, and couldn't sit still when she went home, even the extra textbooks she had invested in couldn't hold her interest, she ended up doing laundry, figuring that she wouldn't have much time to do it from now. Cardiology would be a challenge, but one she was ready for.

Molly's time rolled around quickly, Joey was working late and had texted to tell her that he'd meet her there and they could go for dinner afterwards. She stood in her dress in her bedroom, that more was more medical library than place of rest and smiled at the phone. She didn't know why she doubted he's happiness for her. She had to give him time to get over the pathology blow, but even though she knew now that he didn't want any other job besides it, maybe he could start to see how good she could be in other aspects of medicine.

She got out of her cab outside Molly's and panic set in, because surely these people meant more to her than she to them. She assumed she was still practically a kid in their eyes. She tried to quench her impending disappointment as she stepped in.

"Ah, there's our newest doctor everybody!" She stalled inside the door when Herrmann's voice rang out above the crowd.

The place was pretty full, not only were there firefighters and police but half the ED was there too. She broke into surprised laughter. She didn't expect that reaction, she assumed she would have to wait until the next time she went home before she would get a party for her new job. Unable to stop smiling, she made her way over to where her now colleagues were. She was passed around for hugs from Maggie, April, Will and Ethan and Nat and Dr Charles shook her hand and congratulated her on taking the leap. Herrmann wouldn't let her pay for her drinks, saying that it was probable that some of them would be in need of her services in the future.

They all fell into conversation. It felt natural. It felt like home.

Will's brother and his girlfriend congratulated her, as well as the paramedics of 51 and the firefighters behind the bar.

"So you excited for tomorrow? Quick start huh?" Maggie asked, sitting between her and Nat while April was standing near.

"I know but I am beyond excited. I can't wait to get back to everything, I feel like I forgot so much already, I just need to revise everything and…"

"Breathe Sarah." Nat reminded her softly before she could start to overly panic. "I'd say it's overwhelming now, but you're more than capable."

"Exactly, Conor wouldn't convince Goodwin into considering you if he didn't believe in you. And it's hard to earn his respect." April said.

"What?"

"Oh yeah, the application had closed a week ago, he fought for you to have that interview."

"But…how do you know…?"

"The nurses know everything." Will pretended to whisper in a suspicious tone. "Honestly Reese, I feel sorry for you, you'll have to work with Connor more than we will for a while."

"I'm sorry I wouldn't object. The man is beautiful." April smirked into her glass.

"Oh agreed." Maggie laughed.

Sarah couldn't help but laugh at the face that Will pulled, like he had just been betrayed on a matter of life and death.

"But you can't work with the man! He's stubborn and…"

"Look who's talking." Nat shot Will's rant down. "And Sarah has always gotten on well with him, haven't you?"

"Eh, I guess?" She hadn't really given too much thought among the cases she had worked.

"You're about the only person that he doesn't complain about." Will rolled his eyes at his co-worker's moods.

She was spared from the bizarre conversation when she looked around just in time to see Joey coming in. He looked unsteady in the surrounding. She supposed she couldn't blame him, he wasn't a Molly's frequent and didn't have much exposure to anyone else outside of the pathology department.

"Joey, hey!" She called over after excusing herself from the ED's debate on Connor Rhodes' preferences and rushed over to her boyfriend at the door.

"Congratulations Sarah." He wrapped his arms around her.

"Thank you." she smiled, "Come on over, practically half of Med is here tonight." She started to pull him gently over to the group of people she considered friends. Sure, she had a few friends from home, and then from medical school, but these were her friends that would become her family.

"I thought we would go for dinner."

"Oh, yeah, I know, can we not wait a while though?" She didn't want to run away too quickly when everyone was there for her benefit.

"I already waited, I sent you a couple of messages so I assumed you were busy here." He said and she checked her phone for the first time since she had entered the bar. "And I kind of want an early night, the new resident in pathology is very hard to work with. I wish it had been you." He squeezed her hand and she felt guilt worm its way into her stomach.

"I know it was our plan but I'm really excited about this new job." She explained again and tried to keep her smile bright.

"I know." He said, but was interrupted when April called her back over.

"Sorry I..." Sarah said but felt him pull his hand away from hers.

"Look, why don't you enjoy you're night and we can celebrate some other time? Some of us from pathology are going out later in the week, it'll be my night off, so we can meet up then okay?"

She didn't get to tell him that she probably wouldn't have much free time what with starting her new job and learning the ropes because he had kissed her on the cheek, given her a smile and left.

"Is he not staying?" April asked when Sarah had rejoined their group.

"Oh, no. He's busy with work and the new resident is driving him crazy, he wishes it was me I guess."

"Honey, pathology would have driven you crazy." Maggie said, wrapping her arm around her. "He'll get over it."

She tried to enjoy the rest of her early night. It had been hard to quit pathology, and go against what most people thought about her essentially quitting medicine. But it was harder to start a new phase in her career when her own boyfriend wasn't excited about it.

When she got home, she packed her bag for the next day and called her parents back. She skimmed though a few books and paced the floor with nerves. She lay awake for what felt like an age before falling into a fitful sleep and dreamt of sitting an exam she wasn't prepared her, where the questions revolved around Americano coffees and all she could hear was the loud drumming of a beating heart.

 


	3. Chapter 3

Sarah had managed a few hours of sleep before her alarm woke her up, the one that allowed her enough time to research some areas that she was weak in and hoped it would be enough to get her through her first day. She knew she was ridiculously early for her shift, but she couldn't sit around at home any longer. It was nearly worse than her first day on rotation because now she had something to prove.

She had just put her belongings in her new locker in the doctors' lounge when she heard someone come in.

"You're here early." She jumped when she heard Dr Rhodes voice behind her. He sent a small smile her way as stored his belongings in his locker.

"Yeah, I couldn't wait around at home any longer, I think I just need to get started and jump back in. God, I hope it's not like my first day here. I..."

"Reese, you'll be fine. You know all our systems here, you've outperformed the rest of the students in your rotation, and you won't be operating on your own." And she couldn't help but put a little faith in his words.

"You're right. I'm sorry" She took a deep breath to calm herself.

"It's alright, first days are always bad. I threw up before I started my first shift in my residency. You're not doing too badly this morning." He said while digging out clothes from his locker and not looking her in the eye.

"You're joking right?" She could never imagine Dr Connor Rhodes being nervous about anything.

He turned his head to look at her, and she noticed something between a smile and a smirk playing on his lips, "Okay I am" He sighed, "I just thought it might make you feel better though." He smirked before excusing himself to go and get changed.

She paced the room while he went and got changed into his work clothes and she reminded herself that she had a boyfriend. And she would not swoon at his smile like half the staff did. Or maybe she would just a little bit.

"You can come up with me to the cardiology department, Kingston's usually in early anyways and you can get your bearings before everyone else starts bustling around if you want." He said as he came back out and wrapped his stethoscope around his neck.

She mimicked his actions, "Sure that sounds good." She followed him to the elevator and watched some of the new students follow Dr Rhodes with their eyes. She couldn't really blame them. She had had a crush on him her first day too. He was helpful and gorgeous all in one package, it set her student heart racing.

They made it to the elevator and he pushed the button for the cardiology floor. She smiled to herself as she felt the elevator moving up. If she had told herself on her first day at Med that she would be in an elevator alone with Dr Rhodes, she would have giggled right along with the other students. But the more she found she loved medicine, the more she felt at home in Med, it had made her forget that she had found Dr Rhodes attractive or that she was terrified of Dr Zanetti, or that Maggie had intimidated her because she knew so much more than Sarah did.

"There's a third year resident on the team. Dr Geraghty. I would assume you'd shadow her until you got your bearings. I'm still mainly working for trauma but the circumstances are still uncertain, still, page me if you need me."

"Okay, I'll keep that in mind, thanks." She looked up to see him looking right back at her. Later on, she would put it down to nerves. The fact that her heart fluttered in her chest. That it seemed like electricity buzzing around them in the small space. That his eyes didn't leave hers.

The doors in front of them opened and they stepped out together. Dr Rhodes' pager beeped, which made her jump.

"Looks like I'm back in the ED, Dr Kingston's office is the second on the right. I'll see you around Sarah." He nodded before pushing another button.

"Uh sure." She practically told the elevator doors that had closed before turning and making herself walk towards Dr Kingston's office.

She saw him sitting in his office and she knocked and he beckoned for her to come in.

"Dr Kingston, thank you again for..." Sarah started.

"It's alright Dr Reese, but I'm expecting great things from you. You are not my first choice, but the hospital staff were very much in your favour. I would like for you to live up to their expectations." He said, shuffling papers that sat on his desk.

Sarah swallowed hard and nodded her head, thinking that it wasn't the warmest welcome she could get.

"I would like you to shadow Dr Geraghty, she's a third year resident, for the day, see the ins and outs of this department. It is undergoing significant changes but that does not mean we slack here. I expect you to keep busy. I'll ease you into the operations easily, I've come across a lot of pathology matches who run a mile when examining a  _live_  body."

Reese was saved from the reminder of her past mistakes by the timely arrival of Dr Geraghty.

Dr Geraghty introduced herself but it was clear Dr Kingston was finished with her introduction so Sarah followed the older woman out of the room.

"Kate." The woman said and shook Sarah's hand. Kate was slightly taller than her, with long black hair and a look of distaste in her eye. The woman's pager beeped before Sarah could introduce herself and she ended up trying to keep up with the other doctor who took off at a fast pace towards the cardiology bay.

The staff was milling around the bay the same way as the ED so she was in familiar territory, she even noticed the nurse who acted like Maggie.

"Sarah." Dr Rhodes was in his operation scrubs as he rushed by the two women and nodded in her direction.

Dr Geraghty turned on the spot, "So you  _do_  know Dr Rhodes."

"Yeah, I mean I worked with him on my rotation."

"So the rumours were true." Kate's stare nearly made Sarah flinch under the scrutiny. "You  _are_  the resident he got in."

Kate kept walking and took a tablet off of Maggie's equivalent and all Sarah could do was watched as they swapped a few words.

"Oh no, it's not like that, he didn't get me in…" Sarah said as Dr Geraghty turned back to her.

"Uh huh." Kate waved her off and promptly handed her the tablet, "There's not enough staff in today, you're going to take the routine patients, don't mess up, you can't go running to Dr Rhodes every time something goes wrong."

And that was how Sarah found herself standing in the middle of the cardiology department with a patient's file in her hands. She huffed slightly in annoyance and squared her shoulders, she didn't like it when people underestimated her or fobbed her off. She didn't get time to stand up for her own name and credentials before Kate had run off somewhere else. She swiped through the file, gathering the necessary information just the way Maggie had thought her, and kept herself from setting the story straight with any staff that would listen. Because if  _that_ was how her boss and mentor had welcomed her, she presumed she would be in for a frosty welcome in the department.

She found the way to the waiting room with Dr Rhodes words playing in her head,  _you've outperformed the rest of the students in your rotation,_ and decided if the cardiology staff were expecting just a mediocre student who had gotten her place because of her connections, she would just have to prove them wrong. She set her shoulders back and retrieved her patient from the waiting room and got to work.

Seven patients later, and after practising saying "Dr Reese" instead of "Sarah Reese, medical student" a dozen times in her head, she was beginning to feel like she was getting the hang of it. She had sent them on for the appropriate tests and even managed to catch one of the patient's wives who was complaining of nausea too as needing further tests as well.

She had had to text Joey and tell him to have lunch without her, she didn't dare go looking for Dr Geraghty and asking when her lunch break was.

Her next patient was a woman in her mid-sixties. Sarah washed her hands upon entering the cubicle and glanced again at the screen to make sure she got her name right.

"Hi Lizzy, how are you? I'm Dr Reese, I'm going to be your doctor for today." She said her lines like she in a play and then a beat later she remembered to put a smile on her face.

"Oh, aren't you young? Well it's nice to meet you. You know my youngest daughter mustn't be much older than you, she's a baker not a doctor though. It may not be as noble a profession, but it makes people smile."

"I'm sure it does." Sarah replied, trying to get a word in edge ways with the woman who was beaming with a smile in front of her. For the first time, being young wasn't a problem to a patient. She liked the woman already.

But 'baker' was like a buzzword to Sarah who went about checking the woman's vitals, almost a sure cause of an underlying high cholesterol problem that hadn't been diagnosed yet. "It says here, you went to your doctor with shortness of breath and some chest pains? And you are scheduled for an echo-cardiogram in a few minutes…"

"Yeah, he put me on some blood pressure tablets that aren't working well I'm afraid." The first slip in the woman's bright and cheerful expression was her flinch of pain.

"Okay, well let me just check…" Sarah was talking to herself as much as the patient as she turned away to retrieve some supplies from the heart monitor that sat in the corner. She turned back around to find the woman convulsing in pain.

Heart attack. And Sarah found herself being utterly grateful that she had worked in the ED. She didn't panic this time, she just acted.

"Lizzy, can you hear me?" She sat the woman back and listened to her chest after pressing the emergency button.

" _Code Blue…Treatment 4….Code Blue…Treatment 4…."_

Sarah nearly didn't hear the alarm wailing as she started checking the woman's vitals.

The door flew open and three nurses arrived, when they all looked to her she realized that for half a second she was waiting for someone else's orders. But she was in charge now. And she had to act like it.

"I need an IV line and a chest x-ray now." She told the staff, "I'm assuming a blocked artery, so I'm going to need the angioplasty right away, we're going to the cath lab now…"

They had secured the woman in the trolley, had an IV line going and were just about to move when Dr Geraghty arrived.

"We're going to need an angioplasty and…"

"I'm taking this." She told the nurses and took Sarah's place, "We're going to need a bypass…" Sarah was left running after her patient and Dr Geraghty.

They practically ran the patient's trolley into Dr Rhodes who looked like he was just out of surgery.

"But she could have high cholesterol, if we give her an angioplasty then it would have less adverse effects. Her daughters a baker, I'm sure she's been eating more than she should of the baking. It would be less dangerous if we…"

"Who's in charge here?" Dr Geraghty nearly shouted at her. "I say we're booking her in for a bypass right now, the woman is having a heart attack Reese. There is no confirmed history of cholesterol, we don't know what we're dealing with. You're not allowed into the surgery, you're obviously too attached" She practically spat her words at Sarah before pushing through to the theatre.

Sarah didn't know whether she felt like screaming or crying in frustration.

"For the record, I'd go with your diagnosis." Dr Rhodes said as he watched the doors shut. "And sometimes it helps to actually care about the patient." He said with a small smile and soft eyes.

"Hey, why don't you go grab lunch, Geraghty will be busy for a while having to explain herself when the surgeon will want to do what you wanted to." He suggested.

"I think I will. I'll just finish my end of the paperwork." She said, "Did you have lunch yet?" She felt it only polite to invite him, and she wouldn't mind the company. And she definitely wouldn't mind his company. She felt like she could use a friendly face and she was only a few hours into the day.

"Thanks, but I'm due back in theatre in ten minutes." He said glancing at the clock on the wall, and frowning slightly "Let me know how you get on at the end of the day okay?"

"Okay. Thanks Dr Rhodes."

He threw his head back and laughed slightly, "You can call me Connor you know. If Will Halstead insists on calling me by my first name, I figure you can too, I do like you better than him."

"Oh come on, I think you and Will are secretly best friends." It was a favourite topic of conversation among the ED staff ever since Connor had started work in Med.

"Now that you mention it, I am partial to buying him clothes, that's what friends do right?" He smiled.

"What?" She laughed as they fell into step together on the way back to the cardiology bay.

"It's a long story, remind me to tell you about it sometime."

"I definitely will." She smiled, before heading back to her treatment room and grabbing the files and getting up to date with her side of the paperwork. Though not without glancing back to him again and finding him standing where she left him, with those his eyes that lit up when he laughed.

She rushed down to the doctors lounge as soon as she was finished with the paperwork to grab the lunch she had brought from home, she figured she wouldn't have time to order anything before she would be noticed missing in cardiology. Ethan and Natalie were crowded around a computer screen analysing test results when she hurried in.

"Hey Sarah. How's the first day going?" Ethan asked, looking around to her.

She stopped to take a breath, "Okay, I think. All things considered." She tried to smile. She really did.

"That bad huh?"

She sighed, "Kind of, I just need to get used to it."

"Oh by the way Sarah, that box was left for you a few minutes ago." Natalie said, pointing to the small white box that had been left on one of the tables.

"Oh." She racked her brain but couldn't remember ordering anything, or anyone mentioning delivering anything. It was about the size of a cake box. She smiled in excitement, maybe Joey had sent those flowers after all. She went over and lifted the lid carefully.

The contents definitely surprised her. Sat inside was a garden salad. Her pick of lunch from the food truck the day Connor had bought everyone lunch. A piece of paper sat on top. She picked and up and read the writing that was on it.

_This is just a reminder that you can still get whatever_ **_you_ ** _want. You got yourself that residency._

_I've heard the staff gossip, don't pay it any attention._

_Enjoy the salad._

_Connor._

 


	4. Chapter 4

Sarah figured she could page him, but would that be too weird? She could get his phone number off one of the other staff, but she decided that would be too much. She ended up debating the methods of communications with  _Connor_ Rhodes for the rest of her shift. She had eaten the salad in record time but stored the note in her locker. Just as a reminder that she had him on her side.

Luckily she didn't have any more run-ins with Kate. She met a few of the other residents and fellows from the department who dropped by to introduce themselves. They all seemed rather wary of her, but Sarah chose to ignore it, hoping everyone would move onto a new topic of conversation soon enough. The rest of her shift went as smoothly as she could hope, she even got praise from Jennie, Maggie's equivalent, and told not to worry that "most people on this floor, their bark is worse than their bite."

Sarah sure hoped so.

She dragged herself back down to get her things from the lounge and couldn't wait to crawl into bed when she got home. She nearly bumped into Connor when she walked into the room, her body was exhausted already.

"Connor, sorry!" She blurted out.

"Hey there." She watched a smile stretch across his face and he placed his hands at her shoulders to steady her. "How did the rest of your day go?"

For a split second she couldn't think, she couldn't gather her thoughts. Her mind blamed her tiredness but her heart blamed the fact that he was looking at her and his hands were holding her up. She cleared her throat and shook her head, trying to rid her heart of  _those_  thoughts.

"Eh, it was okay. I avoided Dr Geraghty for the rest of the day, so it went as well as it could have gone." She shrugged. And with her actions, he removed his hands. She immediately missed the contact.

"Thanks for lunch by the way." She couldn't help but smile.

"Anytime. I meant what I wrote. They'll move onto something else eventually." He rolled his eyes and gave her a small smile.

"Hey Reese!" Will greeted her as soon as he emerged from the changing rooms. "How was the first day?"

"Good. I think?"

Both men laughed. "Sounds about right for a first day." Will said. "Hey, some of us are going to Mollys tonight, you coming? Or do you have a hot date with that lab boyfriend of yours?"

"I'll see you around." Connor interrupted and waved his hand in farewell before leaving suddenly.

"Bye…" She said as he left before turning back to Will, "No, thanks though, I just can't wait to get some sleep." She admitted.

"I completely get it. But hey any night you feel like it, somebody will be around." He smiled. He frowned as he tied his shoe laces. "So Maggie and I are working on those rumours by the way..." He seemed reluctant to broach the subject.

"What?" She should have guessed the gossip would have got around Med by now, her shoulders slumped in defeat, and she sank into the nearest chair. "It sure isn't the best way to start..."

"Nah, it's bad form, you should be able to rely on your colleagues, not have them talking like that about you behind your back like that."

"It's when they talk about it nearly in front of my face that's worse." She admitted.

"Well they shouldn't use gossip as a reason not to work with you properly." He patted her shoulder. "I'll catch you around Reese."

She waved to him too. And then got changed as quickly as she could and when getting her bag, she rooted out some sticky tape and stuck Connor's note to the inside of the locker door. She figured she could use all the inspiration she could get.

The next few shifts flew by quickly. A blur of patients, avoiding Kate and Dr Kingston, and getting to know some of the nurses in cardiology. She even went to lunch with some of them. They had divulged to her that Maggie had let them know her situation wasn't the way that some of the doctors were telling it. After that lunch she rushed down to Maggie and hugged her.

She had to work with the other residents that treated her with a slightly icy demeanour but they took her opinions on-board, if not begrudgingly, but she was content to be listened to.

She lost two patients in that first week. Something that she knew would hit her hard every time it happened. It was something she couldn't talk to Joey about. She felt it would be an "I told you so" moment, that he would tell her again that she was too soft to work in cardiology and that pathology was safer. She knew he wouldn't understand.

That was how she found herself having a coffee with Connor before her shifts. She found they were both early birds and she found being able to talk to him, to bounce ideas off each other, helped to calm her every morning.

Connor had her in stitches laughing while in the middle of explaining the fact that he had bought Will a tie when Kate Geraghty walked into the lounge.

"Oh, sorry, I didn't mean to  _interrupt_." She scoffed before heading straight for the changing rooms.

"Is there a problem Dr Geraghty?" Connor's demeanour changed in an instant. From being relaxed and having laughing eyes to a serious, slightly ticked off expression. His cold tone was sharp enough to cut through the air of awkwardness that had settled in the room.

"Oh not at all, how people spend their time is none of my business." She said just before disappearing behind the door.

She watched as his eyes had darkened and he shook his head and set his jaw. "Unbelievable."

"Yeah…" She sighed just before his pager beeped, splitting the silence that now sat between them.

He excused himself and Sarah left the lounge before Geraghty could come back.

She had had a patient before lunch that she had needed a consult from Dr Charles on and had to delay the lunch she had organised for herself and Joey. She finally made it to the canteen afterwards where she found him finishing his lunch.

"I am  _so_  sorry I'm late." She said as she slid into the seat opposite him, slightly out of breath from rushing down to see him. "How has your day been?"

"Great." He deadpanned and she nearly flinched at his sarcasm. "I haven't seen you in a week Sarah." He said as he fixed his glasses on his face.

"I know. I'm sorry. But things have been so hectic…"

"I mean you're finally working in the same place as me again and I see less of you than I did when you worked in the coffee shop."

That annoyed her, "But I'm just getting used to everything here…Are you saying I should go back and work in a coffee shop?"

"I never said that." He defended himself.

"You're right. I'm sorry. It's just this week I've been listening to things I don't want to hear, and I'm just tired" She sighed, "…residency is a big jump from being a student." She tried to lighten the conversation to no avail.

"I made the jump, it wasn't that hard. Sarah you took a residency you hadn't even wanted to match with, you can't expect it to be easy." He said, getting up and picking up his tray.

"I never said it would be easy. Joey, you know I always had an interest in cardiology. When my Dad had his heart attack, that's how I knew I wanted to be a doctor, I never thought I was cut out for it, but I'm learning to do it, even if everybody in cardiology doesn't believe in me…" She followed him as he cleared off his food tray.

"Well I hear you don't have that problem with Dr Rhodes right?" He asked but wouldn't meet her eyes.

" _What_  is that supposed to mean?" She couldn't believe her ears. Had her boyfriend seriously been putting stock in some idle gossip?

"I hear things, did he seriously pull some strings for you? And there's worse rumours going around. Everyone is talking about you two."

"Well don't listen to everyone!" She followed him as he started back towards pathology department.

"Well it would easier if you worked with me…"

"I can't be attached to your hip Joey. I love what I'm doing, why can't you get that?"

"You complain an awful lot about something you love. I still think you made a mistake. Pathology would have suited you."

"Well I think it wouldn't have."

"Well I think it  _would_  have." He said as he pushed the button for the elevator.

"Is this how it's going to be? Can't you just let pathology go? I have! Is this seriously how it's going to be with us? Just because I don't want your career, it means you're going to hold it over my head forever?"

"I thought I knew you before." He said. "Now the new you hangs out with the ED staff and a doctor that everyone thinks you're secretly dating and you want to work in cardiology and the ED and then get all worked up about cases and patients and complain about it all the time. I just want the old you back. The one who loved lab work and didn't hang out with ED staff who think they're better than us in Pathology"

"They don't think that!"

"You obviously do, that's why you turned it down wasn't it? Pathology isn't a big of a deal as ED."

"No it's not! I'm sorry I've changed. But people do that. I'm not that bad…?"

"The old you wouldn't have missed our lunch either." He said as he got into the elevator and pushed the button on the inside. "I would say I'll call or text you later, but you never answer me after your shifts anymore." He said as the doors closed between them.

She stood there, staring at the metal doors as her heart ached in her chest. She bit her lip to stop herself from crying and tried to compose herself before she fell apart in the hospital corridor. That was not the lunch break she had been expecting. She felt like rushing after him and apologising and explaining  _again_  that after her shifts she either fell straight to sleep or that she always felt like she couldn't call him afterwards, especially the days she lost patients, because he had always slightly chastised her for getting too involved and attached. And after a trying shift the last thing she wanted was another  _pathology is better_  speech.

She took the stairs back up to cardiology as she tried to push all thoughts of Joey from her mind. She knew that the last thing she needed when she was trying to fit in and still learning the ropes was to be distracted. She smiled to the nurses that she thought were beginning to like her when Dr Geraghty rounded the corner.

"Reese. There you are." She said in a clipped tone. "Dr Kingston wants you to shadow me in surgery in thirty-five minutes. It's a routine operation. Try not to mess up." She practically threw the file at Sarah before she rushed off again.

Sarah went straight to Jennie to see if she could tweak her roster while she was in surgery but Jennie was already on it and even wished Sarah luck. She set herself up in the lounge to study the file as if her own life depended on the surgery. It seemed straight forward enough, it was a low risk patient who needed a coronary artery bypass. The only thing that confused her was the long list of doctors and nurses that would be assisting and the length of time that was scheduled in for it. She wasn't going to argue about it though. Once she could get through it, her shift would be finished and she could get out of Med and try to make sense of what was going on with her and Joey.

Ethan and Will wished her luck from where they were debating over a patients test results on the computer near her before she set off to prove herself. To prove that she could deal with a live body after all.

It was a blur of washing her hands and setting up beside the patient. She was absorbing all the information she could before letting out a breath she didn't realise that she was holding when the bypass was complete. She picked up the stitching that was lying in front of her. Nobody else had spoken about it but the longer they kept the patient open the more chance of complications.

"Dr Reese? What's next?" Dr Kingston asked her. He had bounced ideas back and forth between the younger residents and she got the impression that he would make a great mentor if he would give her a chance.

"We start closing up…" She started to formulate her answer, holding out the stitching in front of her.

She immediately wanted the ground to swallow her up when she suddenly found him glaring back at her.

"I'm sorry?" Sarah felt like the room was closing in around her. The sounds from the machines in the room started ringing in her ears.

"We…We should stitch…"

"I'm sorry, but where did you learn that during a quintuple coronary artery bypass, after finishing the first one, we should  _start closing up_  anything?"

"The patient was down as needing only one bypass, if it's a quintuple we need to…" But he cut her off again.

"Next time Dr Reese, please read the most up to date patient file. Dr Allen?" Her question was taken from her and the attention moved on to someone else. She couldn't believe it. Her cheeks felt red from embarrassment at failing at attempt to prove herself and she was angry at Dr Geraghty for giving her the wrong information. She didn't like jumping to conclusions, but she had a niggling suspicion that she had been set up.

She waited outside the theatre after the surgery to catch Dr Kingston and explain herself. She could have groaned in frustration when Dr Geraghty followed him out.

"Dr Kingston…." She stopped him in his path, "I'm sorry about my mistake, it won't happen again. But I didn't know I was given the wrong information…"

"It better not happen again Dr Reese. You're residency is an exception to the norm, I expected you to live up to the second chance you were given."

"I understand, I do, but I wasn't told…" She tried to protest.

"Don't drag my name into this Reese." Geraghty nearly sneered. "I never said the information was up to date. You should have known by the names on the roster and the time allocated."

"But I trusted you as my mentor. I didn't want to question your information."

"I'm not Rhodes, I won't hand you everything on a silver platter. Some of us had to work for our positions, not sleep our way into them."

Sarah felt like she had been slapped. She wondered how anyone could think things like that about her. Her day just kept getting worse.

"Doctors!" Dr Kingston stepped in. "I do not tolerate petty behaviour like this on my watch. I expect everyone to work together. You either start acting like a team or I will make you leave this cardiology team."

Sarah felt like her heart jumped to her throat. She couldn't lose her position. She couldn't prove Joey right that she wasn't cut out for cardiology.

"Dr Reese, you can get your Ambulance shift rotation over early this year. Next shift report to the available ambulance crew and it will allow you both some time to cool off. When you return I expect both of you..." He glared at Sarah and Kate. "To forget these ridiculous attitudes and work together. Go home."

The two girls were left in the corridor watching Dr Kingston walk away.

Kate left Sarah with one more glare before stalking off to the elevator. Sarah took the stairs again.

She gave up all longings to go home and set herself up in the lounge in front of one of the computers and opened some of the books and notebooks she kept in her locker and got to work. Whenever she felt stressed or worried, she always found that textbooks and information distracted her. She set out a list to go over everything and anything about quintuple bypasses to make up for her lack of preparation and then to check off topics that she felt she would need for ambulance duty. She bid goodnight to April and Nat when they left but she got into her study zone, turned her phone off and hoped Joey would understand.

"Sarah." She could have sworn somebody was saying her name.

"Sarah…hey wake up." Her head shot up from the desk when the words registered and she ended up glancing blearily into Connor Rhodes concerned face.

"What?" She nearly cried from panic and the headache she could feel coming on. "What time is it? Have I missed my shift? Oh God…" She rubbed at her face and glanced around at the books that were scattered in front of her and the bright screen that glared back at her.

"Hey, hey." His soft words along with the fact that he was rubbing circles on her back managed to bring her back from the brink of nearly hyperventilating. "It's alright. I just finished an emergency surgery, so shift ended about an hour and half ago. What are you still doing here?"

"I…I messed up. Geraghty, I don't know, I think she tried to make me mess up. I should have been more prepared. It's my fault. And now I have an ambulance rotation next shift. Kingston expects us to get along from now on and I wasn't good enough. And Joey says I can't be so emotional about everything. And if I hear someone mention pathology again…Oh my God I missed my bus!" She shot up from her chair with the realisation and nearly knocked Connor over from where he was hunkered over beside her.

"Sarah." He said as he stood up and held her wrists loosely in his hands. "Don't worry about your bus, I'll drive you home. And don't try to argue about it. One thing at a time, just pack up your stuff, I'll go change and then I'll drop you home. And for the record, you'll do great on ambulance okay?" He said and she couldn't remember ever being as close to him before. All she wanted to do was place her head on his shoulder and have him hug her. Recently, he just seemed to make everything better.

She managed to nod in agreement despite nearly getting lost in his eyes.

She found herself in his car a little while later, giving him directions to her house that she shared with three other girls. He had her talk through what went wrong with the surgery and it wasn't until after she had finished that she realised how much she had needed to vent.

"Some days are tougher than others." He said as she rested her head back against the seat.

She even managed to get him to open up about his day, something she knew from their coffees in the mornings that he didn't do too often. It made her smile a little to think that he might trust her as much as she trusted him.

The traffic was pretty heavy but she found herself not minding in the slightest. He even made her laugh, it was like they were in a little bubble that her bad day couldn't get into. She told him about her family that she missed and he even opened up about the trouble he had always had with his Dad. It was their own little bubble, one that when he pulled up to her house, she really didn't want to get out of.

"Thanks again, Connor." She smiled as she undid her seat belt.

"Anytime, Sarah." Between their close proximity, the intensity in his eyes and the fact that he always seemed to actually  _care_  about her, she felt butterflies erupt in her stomach and felt that same electricity buzzing around them again.

She reluctantly got out of the car and made her way to her front door. He waited while she unlocked it and waved back to him that she was fine. She watched him drive away into the night. It felt like watching the one good thing in her entire day escape from her grasp.

As she stood there, she tried to pretend that she hadn't wanted him to walk her to her door. And then she tried to pretend that she hadn't wanted him to kiss her goodnight.

 


	5. Chapter 5

The next morning Sarah got up with the plan to sort things out with Joey. He was her boyfriend and she felt like she owed him to try and work through their problems. That, and the fact that suddenly things with Connor were reaching intensity levels she never knew about, and it scared her a little. Joey answered her call, which she assumed was a good sign, but when she told him that she would be on ambulance duty for the day and she got another,  _you wouldn't have to do that in pathology_ speech.

"Joey." she sighed, "I can't keep having this conversation. I chose to quit pathology, and I'm sorry it has disappointed you but you have to accept that I'm in cardiology now. Can you not be happy for me?" She felt like she was practically pleading with him.

"Not when you're hanging around with  _who_  you hang around with."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Her head hurt from going around in circles  _again_.

"I used to think you were smart and sensible. But now you get upset over patients and the work you do, and then want to complain about it when it was you who put yourself in the position in the first place."

"I don't want to keep fighting Joey, maybe we should take a break, take a few days to..."

"Maybe we should just break up."

"What?" She couldn't believe her ears.

"It's easier that way, I've been thinking recently that you're not the Sarah I fell for anymore anyway."

They hung up a few minutes later and Sarah sat staring at her wall. It stung, it was like being slapped. But she couldn't help but think that it wasn't a bad thing that she had changed. That she had grown. She wasn't going to regret being herself.

She shoved everything that reminded her of Joey into her closet and made herself get ready for her day. She needed to be prepared. She couldn't help but feel excited to get back into emergency medicine again. She was ready and near Maggie's desk by the time that Connor had entered the building and he smiled and nodded to her on his way past.

"Good luck today."

"Thanks." She responded with the brightest smile she could fake. Heartache hurt.

"Sarah, is something wrong?" He grabbed her arm lightly, it didn't take much persuasion for her to turn back to him. She wondered how he could read her so well, how he could tell that something was wrong.

"Just." She shrugged and found herself at a loss for words. "Something happened, that I didn't expect, I guess." She frowned at the floor.

He folded his arms, pursed his lips and nearly examined her like a patient, "Sometimes unexpected things can be good. Change can be good."

Well, she thought, that was an entirely different view than her now ex-boyfriend's one.

Change.

That was what was happening in her life, ever since she started her rotation in Med, changing her career aspirations, changing her mind, changing her opinion of herself, changing her relationships.

And when she met his eyes, all she could think of was that  _everything_  had changed. And while looking at him, she supposed it wasn't such a bad thing after all.

She made her way over to Maggie's desk when he excused himself, "We've missed you down here. Ah you're in luck, ambulance 61 is just arriving now. You know Gabby Dawson and Sylvie Brett right?" Maggie asked.

"Yeah, I've seen them at Molly's..." Sarah decided any friendly faces she recognized was what she needed today.

"Oh yeah, they're great, and they know what they're doing, you're in good hands." Maggie said, "There they are now." She said as she looked over Sarah's shoulder, "Talk to me..." She rushed out behind the desk as April and Will appeared out of nowhere while Dawson and Brett wheeled in the trolley. She nearly rushed after them on instinct.

She gathered the bag she had packed, emergency cardiology equipment, just to be sure and found Dawson and Brett filling out paperwork when she came back.

"Hi guys." She approached them, "I'm the doctor who rides with you this shift, I hope that's okay...?" It was still hard to be confident in herself when her ex-boyfriend had just dumped her for being herself.

"Hey! Sarah isn't it?" Brett smiled.

"Yeah, I, eh, I used to be a medical student here so this is my first ambulance shift..."

"Don't worry about it. We got the emergency thing down, you just got to help us with the patients like you normally would Sarah." Dawson finished the paperwork and smiled over to her.

Their first call was a case of an addict overdosing. Sarah was amazed by how the two paramedics reacted, she thought it was one thing to treat a patient in the ED with all the resources but a whole other thing to treat patients in the field with limited supplies. Sarah helped them restrain the patient and didn't even think twice about starting a line. Between Maggie and Connor, she had got over her initial apprehensions of the procedure.

They were back to Med before Sarah knew it and she helped them to wheel in the trolley while Brett went to restock. Ethan and April took the patient after they had moved him to the bed and Dawson had to remind her not to continue with treating the patient.

"With us, remember?" She smiled as Sarah followed her back out to the bay.

"Yeah, sorry, it's a reflex at this stage."

"Tell me about it, I keep trying to run into burning buildings. I'm a firefighter but things got switched around so I'm acting as a paramedic again."

"That sounds something like me, ED student, got matched with pathology, now I'm working in cardiology. Change is a thing for me now, I used to love monotony."

"Change can make life can get complicated sometimes, but it's half the fun and I like to think everything turns out alright in the end." She smiled.

The day passed by pretty quickly, in a blur of the rush of chasing off to find patients and getting to know the two paramedics. It was around lunch time, after two more calls that Sarah nearly started to think she liked it better than her first week in cardiology. But she knew it was just a rough introduction, she hoped things would settle down in her career soon enough. And besides, she thought, she wouldn't get to see Connor everyday if she didn't work in Med.

It was when _that_  thought popped into her head that she realized that she hadn't thought of Joey since the morning. He had hurt her, underestimated her, and even though her heart would be bruised, it wasn't quite broken. She knew she could never quite giver her heart to someone that didn't support her, that didn't believe her or believe in her. She figured if ambulance duty could distract her for the rest of her shift, then ice-cream and curling up on her couch should be good start to help her bruised heart recover.

The next call was sent in over the radio, not far from the hosiptal and Sarah braced herself for the worst, a hit and run with a pedestrian down. Her adrenaline kicked in immediately, before she even caught a glimpse of the accident. It was chaos. A crowd of people, police and firefighters milling around the street. But she felt that familiar pull in her stomach to go and help. She followed the two paramedics out of the rig and around to where the pedestrian was in the middle of the street.

"What do we got?" Dawson asked as they approached the victim who was lying under the care of a few of the firefighters.

"Drunk hit and run. We think the driver hit up onto the curb and this woman got hit the worst, flew at least fifty feet after being hit, we were trying to stop the bleeding from the impact but ..."

"Right." Dawson just nodded as Brett and Reese hunkered down by the patient.

It was only when Sarah went to check for a pulse that she realized who was lying in front of her.

Dr Geraghty.

She suddenly felt a lot more involved, she couldn't have the woman die. She couldn't bear it if it was on her. They might not see eye to eye, and Sarah was intent on setting the record straight with her but she would never wish the woman this type of injury. It was bad. Suspected broken leg, at least a few ribs, abrasion to the head and that was just the visible damage.

"Kate, can you hear me?"

"You know her?" Dawson asked.

All Sarah could do was nod. She felt nearly overwhelmed by grief and regret, because she couldn't have the woman die in her arms when they still weren't on good terms. She forced herself to push her emotions away as best she could, she had a job to do.

The three women got to work, pushing IVs and pulling a stint around Kate's leg, bandaging up her head as best they could, but she was losing more blood than they could stop. When they pushed back the bloodied clothes, they found that her ribs had fractured the skin and her around her heart, she was bleeding out.

"She's going to need emergency surgery, we can't do anymore here." Brett said, pressing on the open wounds around her side. "Her pulse is weakening, we're losing her..."

"We don't have time to move her, she won't make it to Med." Dawson frowned, "Dammit. Reese, how's her chest looking, anyway we can relieve the pressure here, just long enough to get her to surgery?"

"I...it looks like an aortic aneurysm, there is something, I've never done it before though, I'm not allowed to perform it by myself, but..."

"How long will it buy us?" Dawson asked.

"Fifteen minutes, eighteen tops, it needs to be operated as soon as possible, this is only the start of it. I mean I could try but I'd need ..."

"Dawson, I don't think we're authorized to..." Brett tried to intervene.

"She's bleeding out, we need to buy her some time." Dawson remained adamant but it only caused Reese to worry.

"I'm not authorized to perform surgery by myself, I'd need permission and direction...what if I mess up?"

"Sarah. She's going to die here or on the way, if we don't try something." Dawson said. "Let's do it, there's no way we can move her now and its too far for the equipment to come...you haven't got a surgeon on speed dial Reese? I'm all up for breaking rules, but Brett needs you to get whatever clearance you need."

She could have cried with relief when it hit her, of course she did. She searched for his number and pressed call before she could think twice.

"Sarah, you okay?" The worry in his voice penetrated through the loud speaker on her phone and it warmed her own heart a little.

"Hey, eh..." She glanced around and rolled up her sleeves, "Dr Rhodes..." she knew that if using his formal name didn't convey the seriousness of the scenario than nothing would. "I'm going to need permission to start an endoaneurysmorrhaphy right now, I have a female patient in front of me, severe road traffic accident with an aneurysm caused by a broken rib, I'm going to need to start clamping it now..."

She heard him catch his breath and could nearly hear him thinking. "There's no way you can move her?"

"No, I'm the PCI, we need to do this now or we lose her." Dawson cut in. "She's one of yours too, a Dr Geraghty."

"You need to move her straight away, you come straight here you understand, this is major surgery"

"That won't be a problem."

"Okay Dr Reese, we're going to go ahead and I'm going to talk you through it." He said, and she could nearly hear the cogs turning in his head.

"Okay, talk to me, what do you see?" He asked as Sarah zoned out the world around her and tried to borrow Kate Geraghty a few minutes.

She told him what she saw, adding extra notes that she knew were important and she decided if anyone was to ever talk her through an operation again, the only person she would want to do it, was Connor. His voice was calm and collected and sounded like it always did when he worked with her; like he believed in her abilities and knew she could get the work done.

There was a few almost mishaps, where Connor would have to pause and tell her she could do it, Sarah could feel sweat gathering at her brow from concentrating so hard, and she had to collect herself a few times during the altogether quick procedure.

"Okay, hold that there, do you think you can keep it stable enough for me?" He asked. She was in a haze filled with adrenaline and his voice, she nearly told him that she would do anything for him.

"Yeah, it's good. We're on our way." She nodded to Brett to turn off her phone and start the ambulance. Dawson beckoned some of the remaining firefighters to help them lift the gurney into the ambulance and Sarah was pretty sure they left in record time.

"How much longer Dawson?" Brett asked from where she sat with Sarah in the back, keeping Geraghty as stable as was possible.

"Two minutes out, she's got ten minutes to get into the OR." Sarah felt like it was the longest two minutes of her life.

They finally stopped and got the doors open, they were careful handling Kate onto a trolley while Sarah kept her hands in place over the tubing that was keeping Geraghty's heart beating. She spotted Connor immediately, along with April, Maggie and Will, it was the first time she had seen someone bypass the ED. Sarah rushed along with the trolley, while Brett called out the stats and they rolled straight to the elevator. Sarah gave her side of the procedure as Kate was strapped up to more machines en route.

Just before getting into the elevator she caught a glimpse of Joey in the corridor. She cringed, she wondered what she must look like. She had to be covered in blood and sweat. But the heart under her hearts was still beating, and she reminded herself that that was all that mattered. That this type of medicine was her life now. And she wasn't going to regret it.

"Dr Reese, let go." She was so focused on watching Kate's face for any sign of movement that she zoned out while they rushed towards the theatre. Dr Kingston's words cut through the haze.

"Sorry." She flinched, thinking that it was another mark against her name, another reason for her to be considered not good enough for the department.

"It's alright, let Dr Farrell take over now." She looked over to the older doctor that gave her a reassuring nod and gently took over the hold. "We're moving now. Reese, take a breather."

Sarah then found herself left in the corridor while the trolley was pushed through the doors. Connor was rushing through to the doors where the other doctors disappeared behind to scrub in for the operation when he turned back and gave Sarah a nod.

She didn't know how long she had been standing there before Maggie arrived at her side. "Hey Sarah, why don't you go get cleaned up? I'll take you off ambulance duty if you want…?"

"No." She shook her head. "No, but thanks Maggie, I don't think I can wait around, I can do a few more calls. I can't sit around here, that's my mentor in there, we didn't get along, but I…" She managed to stop herself from crying, though her hands were still shaking, and managed a smile at Maggie.

Maggie agreed to let her back on duty after Sarah had changed her clothes and scrubbed her hands raw and promised to let her know when the operation was over.

They got a few more calls in during the hours that the surgery required, they had just dropped off another patient when Maggie let her that the surgery was over. She told her that Dr Kingston had agreed to let her off the rest of her ambulance service and after she had said her goodbyes to Dawson and Brett, and promised to meet them in Molly's sometime, she rushed up to the ICU where Kate was being transferred to.

She nearly bumped into Dr Kingston in the hallway on the way there.

"Ah Dr Reese." He said, "Dr Geraghty has been placed in her room, the team are there with her now. The surgery went as well as could be expected." At that Sarah let out the breath she had been holding. "Dr Rhodes filled me in, you did well Dr Reese. I'm impressed. Not many doctors of your experience could do what you did. It saved her life. Take some time off Dr, you deserve it." He nodded and she just stood in the corridor and watched him leave in utter shock. Was she just praised? She felt like pinching herself. She just wished she didn't have to earn it under such dire circumstances.

She reached the room where two nurses were checking Dr Geraghty vitals while Connor read the files. She paused at the door, only entering when Connor looked up and saw her standing outside and beckoned her in.

"Hey, it went well." He nodded to himself while looking at Dr Geraghty.

"Yeah Dr Kingston told me." She said in quiet tones.

"You…" He seemed to search for his words, "You did amazing, Sarah."

"I only did what you told me to do." She half shrugged, her shoulder hit his arm from where she stood beside him.

"Don't sell yourself short. It was a great job." She let his compliments settle over her like a warm blanket.

His pager beeped, "I'm needed back up in surgery, but I'll call back around later. We'll have to wait until she wakes up to be sure of how she is. You don't have to go back to work…?"

She appreciated the worry that suddenly lined his face, "No, Kingston let me off for a while, I think I'll wait here, until her family is contacted. I know I wouldn't like to be alone after something like that."

She set herself up in one of the two chairs that sat beside Kate's bed and decided she better get comfortable, Maggie had said her family were still about five hours out. Sarah might have been still annoyed at Kate's attitude, she just hoped the woman would wake up well enough that Sarah could set her story straight, that they could put this horrible beginning behind them and work as a team.

Doctors and nurses milled in an out like clockwork. Sarah stayed where she was, even as the lights were lowered and curtains pulled. Her evening brightened a little when Connor came in to sit beside her, already in his normal clothes after his shift, but wanting to stay with her anyway.

"Any update?" He asked in quiet tones, a gentle sound that she wanted to hear more of. He seemed to soften whenever they were alone, just slightly, like he was leaving down his armor that he wore while working.

"No." She responded, turning her head to face him instead. "I may not have liked her all that much after what she did, but I wouldn't want this for anybody."

"Sarah, this is not your fault." He said, "You did the best any of us could have done." He leaned over nearer to make sure she could hear him.

"Thanks." She said, but she couldn't help but stare at their hands that rested beside each other on the arms of the chairs. They were suddenly so close, facing right at each other and she swore his eyes had never looked prettier. "Thanks for being there." And she meant it.

It felt like magnetism, like something was drawing her to him. Maybe it was the fact that he was always there for her lately, or the fact that he had been able to help her through the day, or maybe it was just the fact that he was Connor. All handsome, intelligent, strong and a mystery she enjoyed trying to solve. But she suddenly found herself mere inches from him.

She could smell the cologne he used, the one that made butterflies flutter in her stomach and made her want to wrap herself up in his arms all at the one time. It was exciting, and comforting, just like him. She wasn't sure who was moving, but she knew that if she moved ever so slightly she could brush her lips against his.

It could have been seconds, or it could have been hours, it was like everything was in slow motion, and sped up, all at once. He was intoxicating and beautiful and he cared about her and she could nearly feel his lips on hers when the door to the room swung open.

They jumped apart slightly, and while they were still physically close, Sarah suddenly felt there had never been more space between them.


	6. Chapter 6

It was like her entire universe turned upside down the moment the door opened. She suddenly found herself feeling like she was a million miles away from the man who sat next to her. He was on his feet in an instant, explaining the surgery the best he could to Dr Geraghty's family. She sat motionless while he did, unable to think coherently or get all her emotions back in check.

She glanced up but she couldn't catch his eye anymore. It felt like he was already gone, and there was already a void forming in her life. He left soon afterwards, and she followed suit, but by the time that she had gotten to the corridor, he had disappeared.

Regret. Longing. Pain. An onslaught of emotions seemed to flood over her where she stood. Her head was sore, from a day of break-ups and medical emergencies, but her heart was sore as well, from being so suddenly deserted.

She made her way back down to the doctor's lounge to grab her stuff and make her way home. She checked her phone. No calls or texts from Joey. He had already given up trying to contact her, given up caring already. And she had a horrible feeling in her stomach that she had just ruined everything with Connor. He was her friend, her biggest supporter and now everything felt like it was going down in flames, before she had a chance to figure out what it all was.

"Hey Sarah, are you okay?" Natalie asked from the computers.

"Uh huh." Sarah felt like she couldn't even form words, her mind was too boggled.

"I heard your ambulance shift wasn't easy, and what you did out there? It sounded pretty great."

Sarah turned to face her locker and nodded while tears welled up and her chest hurt from trying not to sob. He had helped her though it and apparently she had just insulted him. Suddenly, everything had a way of coming back around to Connor.

"Hey, is everything okay?" She could hear Natalie standing up and crossing the room.

"Yeah, I'm fine." She tried to sound convincing but her sniffles were saying otherwise.

"No you're not." Natalie said softly, coming to stand beside her. "What's wrong?"

"I am  _so_  stupid."

"Sarah you're anything but stupid." She guided her back over to the chairs, "Come on, sit down and tell me what happened."

"My boyfriend broke up with me this morning, my mentor that hates me lay dying in my hands and now I've messed up everything with Connor." She took the tissue Natalie offered her. "I'm so sorry, this must all seem so petty. You work the same job, and you have a child and my problems are probably nothing in comparison…"

"Hey, everyone has problems. You're more than allowed a bad day, okay?"

Sarah wondered if she could have any worse timing because Connor decided that would be the moment to enter the room.

He didn't even smile, he didn't say her name, and he didn't even acknowledge her. And it hurt. It hurt so much. He made a beeline straight for the bathrooms. He didn't even see the tears on her face.

"Okay, what on earth happened between you two?" Natalie broke the resounding silence that filled the room. "You know what? It doesn't matter. I'm nearly finished this case, you are coming over to my house, and I'm bringing April and Maggie and we are going to eat too much ice cream, and you're going to tell us all about the break up and then you can put this day behind you."

It was times like this that Sarah remembered how much she loved Med, loved the ED and the people she called family.

"That." She said while rubbing her nose and drying her tears, "Sounds a lot better than moping around on my own." She even managed to crack a small smile.

"Reese, there you are!" Will stuck his head in the door, "Glad I caught you, Goodwin is looking for you in her office before she goes home. She's looking for Connor too, you haven't seen him around have you?"

She was beginning to think that she saw Connor too much lately if this was what it felt like to be separated from him. Her heart hurt. She opened her mouth but no words came out.

"I'll let him know when he comes out from where he's hiding." Natalie said and Will watched her expression. Sarah had the overwhelming feeling of needing to leave before Will would catch on to Natalie's meaning. She got up, thanked Will, and made her way up to Goodwin's office.

Her heart was pounding in her chest. What if she was fired for carrying out the surgery herself? Banned from medicine? What would her family say? What would she do? She had so many panicked thoughts flying around her head that twisted into a ball of dread that made her head pound. Sarah thought it would be a toss up of reasons of why she was going to be fired.

Sure, she knew she was being dramatic and somewhat irrational, but her heart hadn't stopped thumping in her chest and her blood hadn't stopped humming Connor's name since they had very nearly kissed. She put it down to the fact that she assumed nobody would be able to think straight after being  _that_  close to Dr Rhodes. And that he had been the only good part of her day so far, it was nice to think nice things before her dreams would go up in smoke. Again.

By the time she ahd made it to Goodwin's office, she had narrowed down the options for being dismissed, she would place money on there being too any rumours about herself and Dr Rhodes or her making the decision to operate on Kate under such dire circumstances.

She knocked on the door and Ms Goodwin beckoned her inside.

"Dr Reese, take a seat."

She wondered if she was going to be the first resident that would be fired within a month, the operation was hardly allowed on the ground was it? If Kate died...Sarah swallowed, it would be her fault. Joey's doubts seemed to play out in the back of her mind, maybe she wasn't cut out for this.

She just nodded and sat down, and hoped that it didn't look too obvious that she had been crying.

"I just wanted...Ah, Dr Rhodes, please take a seat." Ms Goodwin said when she noticed Connor at the door. Sarah heard his soft footsteps pace across the room to sit in the seat beside her. She thought that he might as well be miles away than sat beside her because he didn't even acknowledge her existence.

"Ms Goodwin, what can I do for you?" He asked.

"Oh I think it's more like you and Dr Reese did..." Ms Goodwin said and the only thought that swam around Sarah's head was that not fifteen minutes ago, the thing that had been doing was nearly kissing each other. They had nearly changed everything. It felt like they had been racing towards the edge of a cliff. Everything had been building only for her to be knocked back and now she didn't know where she stood with him.

"I may not condone un-orthodox procedures and care that may harm my patients, but what you two did today was something that I admire. I'm glad to know we have doctors like you on our staff. And what you did, it took a lot of trust, we're fortunate to have teams like you here. After all, a hospital is only going to work well if we can all work well together. I don't like admitting when I'm wrong..." She smiled, despite herself, "...but I think that you and Dr Rhodes were right, Dr Reese, pathology wouldn't have suited you. Now don't go getting big heads about it, I just like to acknowledge a job well done."

They both thanked her and Connor let her out the door first. Sarah felt like she was walking on air. She had been congratulated, not fired.

She wasn't afraid to say that she loitered outside in the hallway, waiting for Connor to come out. He had been the one good thing about her day, and she wanted to put things straight. She didn't need to complicate things further. But she could have sworn that he had been leaning towards her as much as she had to him.

"Connor..." She caught him as he left. "About earlier, I'm..."

"Dr Reese, I've had a long day, I don't have time to talk, I have to get home." His armour was well and truly intact. Even on her first day, even when he didn't know who she was, he had never dismissed her quite so much. Had never pushed her away. And it felt like he could snap her heart in his hands if he wanted to.

But she wasn't going to stand and take it, she had a long day too. "Connor, look, what happened, or didn't happen earlier..."

"We're work colleagues, Dr Reese. We work together. That's all." He said, his words cutting through her, and left before she could gather her thoughts.

She finally realised, watching him walk away, that maybe she didn't just want to be his colleague anymore, what if she didn't just want to work together? But it hardly mattered, he was gone. She had been rejected, or had insulted him in some way and all she could think of was that Connor cutting ties with her hurt a lot more than when Joey did it.

After wallowing to Natalie, Maggie and April about Joey, after having a day off where she put away everything that reminded herself of their relationship, after letting herself cry because she had really cared about him, she started to feel better about it all. They had fallen for each other, but at least she knew now that they were never going to able to grow together. Her heart had taken a bruising, so she threw herself into her work, and it helped.

But nothing she did could make her feel better about things with Connor. She missed their morning coffees, the consults where they would bounce ideas around instead of him giving monotone answers, she even missed him calling her Sarah. He was avoiding her at all costs. Suddenly they were like strangers, something they never had been since his first day when he had asked her who she was. They had just clicked. And now it felt like she was missing a small piece of her heart.

She checked in on Kate every day, to keep herself from going mad in the mornings with no one else to hang around with anymore. It wasn't until 6 days later that the woman woke up, and another 4 until she was alert and responsive. It would be a while before she would be back to her old self, and a lot of rest and recuperation would be needed before she would be back to work, but the entire team were positive that she should make a full recovery.

"Dr Reese." The woman sat up a little bit more, when Sarah checked in on her before her shift one morning a few days after. "They say you saved my life." She took a wheezy breath, "Thank you. I know...I know we haven't got along, I didn't treat you fairly..." She took another heavy breath, and flinched in pain.

"Your welcome." Sarah replied. "I'm just glad you're okay..."

"Listen, about the files I gave you, it wasn't..."

"It's fine. I get it. I think." Sarah frowned, "But I just want you to know, I've never dated, or am dating Dr Rhodes. I…I got my position from my interviews, and my results, and okay, Dr Rhodes let me know about the opening but..." She found herself rambling on.

"You're a good doctor. I just didn't give you any credit, it's easier to knock you back than build you up." She gave a ghost of a smile. "I bought the rumours, I shouldn't have, but I did. And I'm sorry. I had to fight my whole way up to where I am now and it annoyed me that someone could have gotten in so easily. I guess I should trust Goodwin, you're a good doctor Reese."

Sarah felt like it was a big weight lifted off her shoulders. "It's alright, just once we can get along..."

Sarah felt the need the pinch herself when they shared a smile. She only stayed a few minutes more, making small talk, but it felt like a victory.

Sarah was leaving when Kate called her again. "Everyone was just jealous of you really, it wasn't about the fact that you got the position, to me it was, but everyone just didn't want the new doctor snapping up Dr Rhodes. Are you sure you're not dating? I actually think you two are really cute together."

Sarah gave a sad laugh on reflex, "No, we're not. He's not, I'm not..." She couldn't help but sigh, "It's not happening..."

"For the record, I think he does like you. Why do think I bought the rumours?" She scoffed but then winced in pain, "I wouldn't mind someone looking at me the way he looks at you…"

Sarah just smiled and nodded and said goodbye. Because what was the point in entertaining what could be when he wouldn't even  _look_  at her anymore?


	7. Chapter 7

It was two weeks. Well, fourteen days, seven hours and thirty-four minutes to be precise. But who was counting? Not Sarah anyway, as she frowned at the clock from where she stood filling in her paperwork in the cardiology bay. She was fine. Just fine.

She was making a good impression on Dr Kingston, ever since Kate's accident, he even allowed her in on the more complicated surgeries. She was carving out her own friendships in the cardiology department. She was determined to push herself. To show Joey and any remaining doubters that she  _would_  be a good doctor. And while doing so, she was proving to Connor just how she could get along fine without him.

But it was like an open wound. Bandage it up and it would be fine, but passing him in the corridor, or doing a consult with him? Then was like ripping the bandage off and starting from the beginning again. She missed his company, his smile, him. But he was putting the space between them, and if there was one thing she was good at it was putting up walls against the people who hurt her. She wasn't going to back down. She might have crossed a line with him that evening but he was the one putting distance between them. He could have talked though it with her and they could have got through it, even if it was awkward. But he had hurt her and now he was icing her out. She had had enough of that her whole life.

She was the first to admit that she was never a people person when she had been growing up, and she got shut out of all the circles, and friendships. And she was damned if she was going to let him be the only one making life hard. She could throw his ice right back at him.

It had been a quiet shift, as quiet as she had gotten so far, but the alarm rang through from ED. Car pileup, multiple casualties, all help needed. She saw Connor race from one of the patients rooms. Dr Kingston nodded to her too, she had no immediate patients on her list. And she knew ED like the back of her hand.

She was already researching a fellowship in emergency medicine. She had a lot of free hours now that she didn't have coffees with Connor, or spend time hanging out with Joey. If it wasn't for the entire Connor scenario, she would say she was just coming into herself. She was building herself up and she was happy.

She arrived to the floor when the ambulances arrived. The chaos, the panic, the urgency, it didn't scare her anymore. She noticed a student, standing like a deer caught in headlights, and she approached her, told her follow her. The girl reminded her of herself. And she had needed someone to believe in her back then. It was just a pity Sarah's person couldn't stand to be in the same room as her.

"Dr Reese, Treatment 2." Maggie called as she took control of the next trolley coming through the doors.

And the patients kept coming. Broken bones. Showing the student how to intubate a patient. Ruptured lungs. Two code Blues. She finished helping Natalie stitching a little boy's arm while Natalie put a stent on his broken bone, before letting breathing again.

She told the student to go and have a break while she filled out the paperwork. How many times had Ethan and Will done that for her during her rotation? She had lost count but she had appreciated it. She thought it was time to pay on the favour. She stood at the bay with Maggie filling out more paperwork when a new patient was rushed through.

"Elderly woman, heart irregularity, chest pains, vision coming and going…" Sarah's head shot up at her new buzzword that was 'heart' and saw Conor already beside the trolley.

It was while later, she was dotting her i's and crossing her t's when she saw him come out from the cubicle and scan the area. From the corner of her eye she could see his eyes land on her, and then land on her again and by the time he walked over to her, she could practically feel the annoyance rolling off him waves.

"Dr Reese?" He asked, after he had cleared his throat.

She didn't look up from the files in front of her. If he wanted to treat her with distance, she could play that game too.

"Yes, Dr Rhodes?" She sighed as if he was wasting her time.

"My patient, she's requesting a second opinion, would you mind having a look?"

She looked up at him, his eyes still guarded, his expression giving nothing away. It always hit her, just how much she wanted to get behind that armour again. Instead, she lifted her chin, "Sure." She took the tablet in his hands and let him follow her back.

"Mrs Danes? I'm Dr Reese, Dr Rhodes said you would like a second opinion?" He stood beside her and she found she couldn't stand still. She felt like she could have cut the awkwardness between them with a knife.

"Oh, once you don't mind dear? My son is a doctor, he's always saying I should be extra cautious about these things."

"I understand." She was focusing on her patient, but all she could feel was his presence at her side. "Could you describe what you're feeling?"

The woman did just that, and after Sarah checked her chest twice, her pupils, and covered the vitals she needed, she looked over to where Connor was standing.

"Dr Rhodes?" She put weight in her words, worry weaving its way into her voice, "Just here?" He nodded and took her place to listen to the woman's heart. In doing so, there was a lot of shifting around, both parties avoiding contact and she wondered if things could get any more awkward.

He straightened himself up and slightly lifted his eyebrows. She wasn't sure how she felt about being able to know what he was saying without him using words. But the walls broke down for a split second when he finally met her eye.

"I'll be right back Mrs Danes." He smiled and excused himself.

Sarah tried to smile and shuffled back to retrieve the tablet she had left down to do a better check of the woman's history.

The woman sighed, "Young love." And Sarah watched her shake her head fondly. Losing lucidity was never a good sign.

"I'm sorry?" It could mean the patient condition was deteriorating quicker than they thought.

"You two. You and the other doctor. I know a lover's tiff when I see one, I should know, I've plenty of them in my time with my Lucas. Ten years ago and I would have him back just to fight with if it meant I could have him back again."

"Me and Dr Rhodes?"

"Of course! It must be hard working with each other, you must make time for each other outside of work." She told her in a no-nonsense manner. "But I'm sure you can get over whatever argument that's sitting between you. No point in holding a grudge, when you could be happy." She smiled.

Sarah opened her mouth, closed it and opened it again. She nodded, "I'll try." She smiled, if only for the patient's peace of mind.

It nearly broke Sarah's heart when the test results came back and she had to stand by Connor as he gave the woman her diagnosis. She had a growth around her heart, undoubtable causing the blood clots that were causing her to lose her vision. They could operate, something she wanted to talk to her family with first, and they transferred her up to the ICU to monitor her condition. She smiled and winked and nodded between Sarah and Conor when she was wheeled past.

She smiled as best she could as the woman left, but felt like crying when she left. It never got any easier, not being able to make everybody better. It when she turned back to the ED bay that she noticed Maggie, April and Will whispering together. It wasn't unusual, not when it came to being discreet about patients but her interest was piqued when all three turned their heads to look at her and then immediately away so fast she half worried about them getting whiplash.

She tipped her head to the side slightly, trying to figure out if she should even ask. But they looked over again so she couldn't help it.

"Should I ask what's going on?" She asked, joining their little circle.

Will scratched in ear, his nervous tick, and April glanced around like she was looking for somebody in particular.

"It's Joey." Maggie said, "Doris seen him having lunch with one of our new ED students, who told Ethan who told Con..."

"We just weren't sure if you wanted to know." Will cut across. "We didn't know whether to tell you or not."

She could have sworn they were going to mention Connor's name but she shook her head, now she was just hearing his name everywhere. "Its fine, you guys. We broke up weeks ago, I mean I guess he's allowed to see new people." She said, but then wrinkled her nose, "But  _another_  student?"

"That is what I said. You are better off without him." April told her.

"Thanks guys, but I'm fine with it, he can date whoever he wants. Hey, Maggie, could you keep an ear out on Mrs Victoria Danes? I just consulted on with C..." she caught herself before she uttered his name, "Dr Rhodes. And she's a very touch and go case."

"Of course."

With that Sarah made her way off to have her break, there was no way she was going to the canteen now, she opened the door to the doctors lounge to find Ethan holding Connor in place.

"Man, I'm telling you, don't do it, they've broken up..."

"Everything all right here?" She said, slipping into the room.

Connor looked like he had just seen a ghost. "Well that's even worse." He practically growled to Ethan who tried to tell Sarah that everything was fine before chasing him out of the room. She was curious, but she had seen plenty of heated confrontations over patients in her time there.

It wasn't until near the end of her shift that Maggie found Sarah. "Hey, that patient you were wondering about?"

"Oh yeah?"

"I'm sorry Sarah, she agreed to the operation but it was too late."

Sarah's stomach dropped and she sighed and shook her head, "Thanks for letting me know Maggie."

"No problem." She said, squeezing Sarah's arm. "Hey, we're all going to Molly's tonight, you coming?"

It sounded exactly like what she needed. "Yeah that sounds great, I'm nearly done, I'll meet you there."

And she had planned on it. Until Dr Rhodes was pulled off a surgery and Dr Kingston took over, he ordered half the team to come and help him. It was hours later, after a successful operation, going home to change and eat, before she ventured to Molly's. It was very late, but she figured she might as well chance going and hoping some of them were still there instead of hanging around at home thinking of her shift.

The place had to be the emptiest she had ever seen, she couldn't spot any of her friends, but went up to the bar and ordered a soda anyway. It was only then that she noticed who was sitting down the bar from her.

She idly wondered if she would ever stop getting butterflies whenever she saw him.

He was hunched over, a beer nestled in his hands, and staring at the counter in front of him.

Everything was going fine. She planned on having a quiet hour to herself, ignoring the man who was ignoring her. That was until the fight broke out among the men at the back. Glasses were shattered, voices were raised and the two or three remaining firefighters and Connor managed to break them up. From what she could see, the men weren't hurt, just annoyed, one had a bloody nose but she watched Connor check it before Herrmann ordered the men to be tossed out.

Herrmann was talking to Connor before he turned and called her, "Hey Sarah, we could use a doc over here."

"No, we don't." Connor told Herrmann before looking at Sarah as she approached.

That was it. She had had enough, and had ticked her off.

"Yes. You do." She told him, before pulling up the arm of his shirt that was covered in blood. "Now sit down, and let me look at it. We're work colleagues, we're meant to work together right?" She spat his words back at him. He didn't get to be the only one annoyed that their situation. "Goodwin wouldn't appreciate it if I let you get infected. Herrmann, can I have your first aid kit please?"

While Herrmann was away, Sarah examined the nasty cut on his arm.

"It's from the glass." He told her.

"I know."

"I'm fine."

"You're not." She glared up at him.

"Dr Reese, I think I know..."

"I'm treating you, if you'd like a second opinion I can take you to Med..." She shot at him before thanking Herrmann for the first aid kit.

"Sarah..." He uttered her name in defeat and she felt like her heart skipped a beat.

"Fine. But you have to let me take care of this then."

He just started brooding at the counter.

She knew a bad day when she saw one. And she tried, but she couldn't help but worry about him. No matter how much distance had been put between them, she still cared.

"You're really not used to being fussed over are you?" She smiled while she sorted through the bag.

He scoffed, "Hardly, have you met my father?"

"Well, I'm used to fussing, I have three little sisters..." She said, cleaning the wound as best she could. "…so let me do what I'm good at..."

He didn't argue anymore, he just sat still, watching her.

"You're distracting me." She mumbled.

"Now, or just in general?" She saw the edge of his lips lift slightly. But she remembered the last time they had gone crossing a line. She decided that he didn't get to pretend they could flirt, she was still hurt. He didn't want this, he didn't want them, so she couldn't let him know how much he did distract her. She didn't satisfy him with an answer as she pulled the bandage tight.

"It's no use, you're going to need stitches." She said removing her gloves. "How much have you had to drink?" She asked, examining his pupils. It was like torture, having to look into his eyes, when they usually avoided her.

"Not enough to have to have it done in Med, I have my kit at home, I'll stitch myself up." It was true, she noted, he wasn't drunk, but he didn't look great either.

"I'll stitch you up." She said before asking Herrmann to get them a cab.

It was a quiet drive in the cab, she followed him up to his apartment where he let her in. It was fancier than she expected, but so undoubtedly  _him._ The shelves of books, only rivalled her own. He was a bit of a clean freak but she could see bits of him everywhere, not in the décor, no pictures or momentous because there were none, just his copies of the newspaper, his jacket lying over his chair.

He retrieved his medical kit from the bathroom and sat down at his table while she got to work.

She was at a loss of anything to say, but the silence was too deafening, too much walls between them. And his small smile and the fact that he was calling her Sarah? She didn't know where she stood with him anymore.

She started stitching, "I heard about Mrs Danes."

He flinched a little as she worked, she didn't know if it was from her work or from her words "Yeah, I was ready to operate, but she was convulsing, and she had a DNR. Just like Downey."

She drew in a breath and nodded. Bad day.

"I'm sorry, Sarah."

She didn't know what to say, but he was too close and she couldn't let him in again. Not when it had hurt so much. Not when there was suddenly such uncertainty over where they stood with each other. She finished patching him up, and checked for signs of concussion.

"I think you are good to go. I'll let myself out."

"Sarah, where are you going, it's two o'clock in the morning."

"I'll get a cab." She shrugged.

"That's too risky."

"I know where I'm not wanted Dr Rhodes." She used his formal name like a weapon to defend herself.

"Sarah, you can stay in the spare bedroom, I wouldn't forgive myself if anything happened to you." He didn't get to care anymore, not when he had put so much space between them.

"Yeah, I mean you can't lose a good work colleague." she said, glancing around the room to not let her sudden tears fall. Because she was tired, and not just because it was late but because she wished it could go back to how things were before.

"You kept my note." He said as he got up and approached her.

"What?"

"In your locker, I saw it last week, you kept it..." and she couldn't help but feel like it was a question.

"Yeah well," She sighed, "I needed any inspiration I could get...you remembered my order."

They were going around in circles, too close, then too far apart, and it was like something was squeezing her heart.

He smiled, one of his genuine smiles that reached his eyes, "You made an impression." he sighed, "I'm sorry Sarah, just please stay, I don't want you getting hurt."

She didn't particularly find the prospect of trekking across the city very appealing right now so she relented, "Alright."

She mightn't have liked him at the moment, but that didn't mean she didn't want to spend time with him now. Not when his walls were crumbling down, and he was in pain. If nothing else but that she owed him. He had always made her feel better, apart from  _that_  almost kiss, and she could see the pain in his eyes, and it wasn't all from his arm.

Despite being annoyed and confused about where they stood with each other, she couldn't help but think that he looked adorable when he was tired, all messed up hair and soft eyes. She refused his offer of food, or hot chocolate, or anything else. There was no point prolonging this all if he was just going to desert her again. So he went and got her one of his t-shirt and bottoms, and showed her where the spare bedroom was.

"Bathroom's just down the hall, you need anything just let me know…" She wanted to tell him that all she needed was for him to let her in again. "Thanks for…Thank you Sarah." It was one of the first times that she had seen him looking unsure of himself, nervous even.

All she did was nod and he left her to it. She changed quickly and set her alarm for early the next morning so she could be gone before they could have another awkward run in. The distance had been bad enough, this weird, uncomfortable feeling between them now just twisted the knife. She crawled under the covers and tried not to dream of Connor Rhodes.


	8. Chapter 8

Her alarm woke her and she reached over and nearly fell out of the bed with disorientation. Sarah was awake and alert in an instant when it hit her that she was in  _Connor Rhodes'_ apartment. Somewhere that she needed to get out of before everything just got more confusing. She sneaked her way down to the bathroom before getting dressed. She nearly made it back to her room when she met him in the hallway.

She was sure her eyes nearly popped out of her head. He was plodding down the hallway, in nothing but a fitted t-shirt and boxers, his hair was beautifully mused up and she wondered why it was fair that someone could look  _that_  gorgeous in the morning. She was sure she looked like a sight to behold for all the wrong reasons, in his over-sized clothes, tired looking and probably looking like she had been dragged through some bushes backwards.

"Good morning Sarah." The word escaped his lips as if it were the most natural way for him to spend a Saturday morning.

"Uh huh." She mumbled and made a half dash to her room. How were they supposed to keep this up? Keep the façade that they were just work colleagues, couldn't he feel the spark between them? Obviously not, she thought bitterly, if he wanted nothing to do with her after they nearly kissed. But the  _thing_  between them, the looks they could decipher, the jokes they had, it was growing and shifting and made her wary of him. Like no matter how far apart they may be, he still had a slight hold over her heart.

She changed back into her own clothes, tamed her hair, fixed his bed and left his clothes folded on top. Then she grabbed her phone and headed for the kitchen. He was there, cooking breakfast and she suddenly wished that things between them were clearer, or better, so she could sit down with him and eat. He had become a constant in her life that she never knew she needed.

"I'll see you next shift." She said before heading for the door. "I can change the bandages if you'd like."

"Sarah," He called after her but she closed the door behind her and ran towards the elevator.

He had pushed her away but she couldn't let him in again so easily, not without an explanation. The elevator doors closed as he made it half way down the hallway.

She texted Natalie as the elevator moved, asking if it were okay if she were to call over earlier to help her with the preparations for Owen's first birthday party that was planned for later that day. She got out at the ground floor and was just near the outside door, shrugging on her jacket when she heard her name again.

"Sarah!" She spun to see him emerging from the staircase. "Please, let me explain." He was slightly out of breath when he reached her.

"Explain what? I insult you when we nearly kissed, and you suddenly act like we're strangers? Believe me I got the message, work colleagues. So please just stop all this…" she waved her hand at him, and his morning routine, and smiles he kept just for her, and his confusing actions, "Just stop pretending to care if you don't."

Because that was how she had always been hurt in the past, jumping into something when the other person didn't really care either way. And she couldn't risk doing that, not with Connor.

"Sarah!" He called again but this time she left and he didn't follow.

At least she knew where she stood.

"So, let me get this straight…" April said as Sarah handed her a balloon to hang up a few hours later at Natalie's house. "You stayed at his place…and you're still not talking?"

Sarah shrugged as she separated the bunting, "He blocked me out. I can't let him back in again that easily. And I just don't know where I stand with him."

"But you admit that you  _like_  him now?" Maggie asked from across the room, setting up Owen's birthday cake.

"I…I mean…I…" She was saved by the doorbell, Natalie went to let Will in who was carrying more of the supplies she had ordered for the party. It wasn't big, some of Natalie's and Jeff's family, and her friends, but Natalie wanted it to be perfect.

It was scary to have to admit that, yes, she did like Connor, sometimes too much. They finished with the set up and when Helen came home from her outing with Owen, she brought him in to see everyone. Sarah watched Will watch Nat all day. She wondered if that was the way she looked at Connor.

Ethan and Conor arrived later on, along with other staff, Natalie's small house was bursting at the seams. She was buffering food in out from the kitchen along with April and was on her way out to the porch when she heard her name, she stopped in her tracks.

"Man, you're lucky you stopped him." Will said.

"Yeah," Ethan sighed. "He wanted to put Joey in the ED. And I don't think Reese even knew what was happening…"

"Nah, her and Connor? It's like they're blind to each other."

Sarah heard Ethan laugh, "Says you. Will, man, you and Nat…."

Sarah didn't wait to hear anymore. Her heart was pounding in her chest. Her head swam with the new information. She dropped the tray she was holding and tried to disappear upstairs, she just needed five minutes to sort things out because.

Because why the hell would Connor reject her and put  _so_ much distance between them and then want to hurt Joey?

Because why would he not look her in the eye but then last night wanted nothing more than to let her back in again?

Because why would he pretend not to care but then race after her?

The man was infuriating.

The bathroom was full complete with que so she let herself into Owen's newly decorated room. They had spent all morning changing it from the nursery to a more 'big boy' room.

She stood, arms wrapped around herself, glaring out the window, because as much as she loved solving problems, she couldn't solve through everything that Connor had been doing.

A knock came to the door she had left ajar and who stood in the doorway? Dressed in a button down shirt and his hair all tidied up, was Connor.

She rounded on him, "What?" She practically shot her words across the room.

"Sarah, I…"

"No, you don't get to say anything. You ignore me for  _weeks_. I mean if I'm that repulsive you could have just let me know…"

"You're not…" He shook his head.

"And then you're annoyed with having to work with me. Then I found out you want to beat up my ex-boyfriend? But then you don't want me getting hurt so you get me to stay. Yet you insist we're not friends anymore. I don't know where I stand with you." She stopped her pacing back and forth in front of him and threw her hands up in defeat. "Actually no, I do know that you obviously don't  _like_ me so I'm sorry…"

"I do  _like_  you…" She wondered why he sounded slightly pained when he said it. "I'm sorry for hurting you and the mixed signals…I…" He crossed the small space to stop right in front of her. Too close for work colleagues, or for friends, for that matter.

"Believe me Sarah, I care about you. I do. More than you know." He said, "I'm sorry about that night, that moment…I thought you were still with Joey…."

"If you had just talked to me…"

"I don't so relationships  _well_  Sarah, I've never pretended to. I didn't want to hurt you."

"You wouldn't even look at me after, Connor…" She argued.

"I figured it was safer putting some space between us, because I would have kissed you, and then I wouldn't have let you go, and I didn't think that you were mine to hold." He practically whispered, but his eyes didn't leave hers, and she knew he wasn't lying.

"And then you were crying and it broke my heart. I had hurt you. I needed to put some serious distance between us Sarah, I couldn't do that to you again. I couldn't cross the line and have you hurt because of me." He said, "You had become someone I cared about, I couldn't stop thinking about you, and I always end up hurting people I care about Sarah and I didn't want to hurt you anymore."

He took a deep breath and continued, "And then I hear Will talking about Joey and his new girlfriend and I thought he was cheating on you and I wanted to…" He nearly growled, "Because you didn't need any more pain. And then Ethan tells me yesterday that you've broken up? Do you know how much I realised I had messed everything up? You distract me Sarah, and I can't keep away from you, or stop thinking about you."

"I'm hurting because I  _don't_ have you." She pleaded with him to understand, while her heart still hammered in her chest. Because he  _liked_  her. And because he had been trying, albeit failing, to protect her.

"I don't want to ruin us." He shook his head. "I love being around you, and I miss you, but Sarah I don't think we can…"

"Well I do." She said and watched as his gaze became perplexed, "because us right now? We don't talk, we ignore each other, and I can't stop thinking about you…"

But then she caught herself, because she couldn't just admit her feelings like that. A blush was rising in her cheeks and he smiled, pulling away slightly to tuck a stray curl behind her ear.

"And you fixed me up last night and then you left and it was like I had ruined everything. I know I have already, but God..." He ran a hand through his hair in frustration, "I didn't want you to leave. I never want you to leave. And if there's a chance we can make this work? I pushed you away to protect you and to stop myself getting more invested in you and look where it's landed me."

"I'd like to think we could have a chance." She admitted in a soft voice because she couldn't quite believe her ears. She had to reprocess all the distance he had put between them, because he thought she was still with Joey... "…but you can't just push me away again Connor…"

"Well it never really worked Sarah, I missed you too much to hold out for much longer." He smiled softly.

"Well, talk to me next time alright?"

"That sounds like a good idea." He nodded, "I'm sorry for freezing you out, I never meant to hurt you."

"I know that  _now_." She sighed contentedly, "So I'm not just a work colleague anymore?"

"Sarah, you were never just a work colleague." He whispered, and there it was, she thought, that magnetism again. That pull between them. He placed at a hand at the back of her neck and looked her in the eyes, and she had time to draw a shaky breath before his lips met hers.

It took a split second of shock and awe before she could gather her thoughts enough to respond. She grabbed onto some of his shirt with her hand, just so he wouldn't run away again. She never thought there was such a thing as fireworks, but there was no other way to describe it. The spark between them had been building so long that all it took was the kiss to push it over the edge as it exploded around them. Her knees were weak but it didn't matter because he wove his other hand around her waist, he wasn't going to let go anytime soon. All thought left her mind, but heart practically sang from inside her.

"Ahem." Will coughed, rather loudly, from the open door of Owen's newly decorated bedroom.

She pulled away this time, but her mind was buzzing, as she turned to look towards Will.

His smile was a mile wide, "We're going to cut Owen's cake now. But don't let me interrupt." He held his hands up in defense and disappeared from view.

"Sarah…" Connor said softly, and it dragged her attention back from the empty doorway. She was pretty sure her cheeks were red and her lips slightly swollen, her heart was still hammering away because she had never been kissed like  _that_  before.

"Mm hmm?" She didn't trust herself to talk as she released her grip on his shirt.

"Are you sure you want this?" She could see doubt still lingering in his eyes.

Sarah Reese knew she didn't like uncertainty. Not the uncertainty in her career choices, or the uncertainty with Joey, or with Conner. But  _this_  was something she was certain about.

"Yeah, I'm sure." She smiled, but then heard people starting to sing happy birthday downstairs. "We should probably go downstairs…"

"Yeah, we probably should…" He smiled back at her.

Neither made a move to leave as their lips met again, and all Sarah could think was that she never wanted any distance between them ever again.


	9. Chapter 9

They finally managed to pull themselves apart. Just before Natalie came to show some of the guests Owen's new room, fortunately.

Sarah was still quite in shock. Connor Rhodes liked her. And kissed her. And wasn't about to let her go anytime soon.

"Sarah, there you are! Do you remember where we put the spare balloons?" April nearly knocked into Sarah at the bottom on the stairs and she had to let Connor's hand go while April dragged her off to the kitchen.

"I think we put them…" Sarah talked out loud before searching through one of the boxes and finding the missing objects.

"Oh thank God, Owen's cousins? Cute but they take a lot of energy." April huffed.

"Aww." Sarah tried to sound sympathetic but she found that she couldn't stop smiling. She felt like she was practically floating, while her heart still called Connor's name. April turned back and tipped her head to the side.

"Okay…" She dragged out, "What is up with you?"

Sarah half shook her head, "What…what do you mean?"

"Something happened…" April pointed at her, and a smile grew on her face too.

Sarah shook her head but didn't blame April for suspecting something, she couldn't stop smiling, "No, nothing, I mean, no..." But she had to bite her lip to stop herself from laughing with happiness, because it was surreal in the best possible way. After weeks of being in the dark it was like somebody finally turned on the light switch.

Will came into the kitchen, carrying empty plates, "Hey you two" He said while practically beaming at Sarah and she felt like she was a toddler again, after being caught doing something she didn't want to be caught doing. The blush crept into her cheeks, she was never a big fan of PDA.

" _What_ is going on?" April demanded to know.

But Will hand't gone around declaring it to everyone like she expected, just to get a reaction out of Connor. But then it clicked. Hadn't he been in their very position? Liking Nat for so long, she supposed that he wouldn't want everyone shouting about it either. For that, she was grateful, she wasn't sure where her and Connor stood in regards to everyone else.

"I don't know." She said and then excused herself. Because she might be floating, but she started analyzing it all. Just like her sisters had always told her to stop doing. She wondered how they would date with work being involved, what was it going to be like to  _date_ him, what would everyone say, would it all fizzle out like it had with Joey? Her smile remained intact but a small frown worked itself onto her face.

She was just starting to look around for Connor when he appeared at her side.

"Hey." He smiled and her frown seemed to disappear, because her heart had never fluttered in her chest like that when Joey had been near her.

"Hey." Her smile just grew, if that were possible.

"So," He said, glancing around, "How long do kids parties usually last?" He raised his eyebrows and she noticed that his smile wasn't going anywhere either.

While she didn't want to run out too early on Natalie, the presence of Connor at her side was very alluring.

"Hey, cake's good." Dr Charles wandered past them, holding his plate up but then stalled and looked back at them. He glanced quickly between the two of them and nodded his head, "Good for you." And kept walking.

"Did  _everyone_ know?" She turned to Connor and asked him.

"He's a psychiatrist, he knows things." Connor shrugged.

"As well as Kate. And Mrs Danes. And who knows who else."

"Mrs Danes, the DNR patient?" He asked.

"Yeah that's her" Sarah cursed herself for bringing it up, because she saw the regret flicker across his features, if only for a second. "A lovers tiff she called it. She recommend time together away from work."

"Smart woman." He wove a hand around her waist. "You know there's too much work people here, I mean, I think we should follow patients requests, and we can go grab a coffee…"

"You know, I think I agree." She laughed, "Good plan of action."

"I think so." He then leaned down to whisper near her ear, "Meet you by the door in ten." He then placed a kiss to her temple and went on about saying goodbyes.

She tried to gather her thoughts, and then reminded herself not to fall apart every time he was close. And then she went to find the people she knew, saying goodbye, and nearly jumping for joy when some of Owen's family were leaving too, so her absence wouldn't cause too much notice.

"Thanks so much for your help Sarah." Natalie hugged her, the last person on her list to say goodbye to. Will had just continued to smile at her and told with a wink not to have  _too_ much fun.

She turned away and began her walk to the front door, a blush on her cheeks and her heart skipped a beat when she saw Connor standing there, waiting for her. And a smile crept onto his face when his eyes landed on her. And she wondered if it were all real.

He opened the door for her and closed it behind them and fell into step beside her. "So…how does coffee sound?"

"Good, as long as I don't have to make it." She admitted.

"I think that can be arranged." He laughed, guiding her over to his car. She got in and suddenly the silence felt overwhelming, like she would be choked on her own doubts. Where did they stand now? Girlfriend and boyfriend? Causal daters? Were they going to tell people?

"What are your sister's names?" He asked, cutting into the silence.

"What?" She turned from staring ahead of her over to the man that was driving, just an arm's length away.

"You mentioned, last night, that you had younger sisters and you looked like you were thinking too much…I'm just venturing into first date topics..." He said.

"I wasn't over thinking." She argued while he stalled a red light

"You were, you look cute when you do, I can see the cogs turning in your head." They pulled off again and he turned his attention back to the road in front of them, with a smirk was firmly in place.

"Yeah, well, you brood." She realised she sounded like a five year old but she needed a comeback.

"I didn't mean it as an insult Sarah, I admire it about you." He smiled. "What's got you analyzing?"

That was new, mostly because everyone always told her she thought too much, over-analysed and that being a lab geek had suited her.

"You!" And her outburst made him laugh. "And me. Us. I mean I don't know if we should mix this in cardiology, they're only starting to like me. And they were jealous of me  _before_  this. But I don't know if you like public displays of affection. I don't know how you want to play this. What if it all fizzles out and we're left not talking  _again_? You won't find me cute when you've spent more time with me…"

"You don't have to worry about." He said firmly, pulling into a free space.

"Well, everyone says I get annoying when I'm stressed and I'm stubborn and I'm giving you a chance to run while you can." Her words were coming out faster than she could process, because her heart was aching, she didn't want to push him away before they even started.

"Well if you don't think I'm as stubborn as hell too then we really do need to re-evaluate this." He said and despite herself, it made her smile. "Do you still want this?"

"Of course." She said, "I just don't like uncertainty."

"You like ED work." He said, before getting out of the car and then around to her side to open her door.

"Yes. But that's logical, I know how to deal with that." She said, standing beside him, "I don't know how to deal with us." She motioned between them. "An hour ago, we weren't talking." She reminded him.

She didn't mean to add her doubts to his. But he scared her, in a good way, and she wanted to be with him. She just wanted to know  _how_  they would do that.

Connor was just about to reply when his phone rang. He frowned before answering it.

"Yes. Yes. Alright. Okay. I'll be there as soon as I can." He sighed in frustration before turning to looking at Sarah. "The on-call surgeon has ironically called in sick. They need me in now. I'm sorry. We'll fix this afterwards, I promise."

"It's fine, don't worry about me, I understand, go prep." She practically waved him away.

"Okay." He had a ghost of a smile on his face before kissing her quickly and rushing back down the street to his car. She ambled over to the train station to go home for an hour or two.

It had been three hours and she was starting to miss him. Four hours and even her study couldn't keep her mind occupied and distracted. Five hours later, and it was getting a bit like Joey, and she had given up all pretence of doing anything but wait for him. She had always rolled her eyes and chastised her sisters for going silly over a boy. She had always been a hopeless romantic but her rational side had always won. There was no point waiting over the boys who never paid her much notice.

She wondered if she had pushed him away with all her worries. That wasn't really what people talked about  _before_ a first date was it? She was terrified that he wouldn't turn up. That he would push out again.

A knock came to the outside door and one of her housemates opened it. Sarah didn't take much notice of knocks on the door anymore, she never had guests.

"Sarah, it's for you." She was called and left her room, her phone still in her hand, waiting for Connor to call.

"Coming, thanks Lauren." She said, coming around the corner from the stairwell.

"Not a problem." Her housemate smiled mischievously and walked back down the hall, leaving Connor standing by the door.

"Hi." She said, stopping in her tracks. "What are you…?"

"I'm sorry about the delay. Surgery ran over, and Goodwin wanted a word on it, and my phone died, and I wanted to see you, so I figured this was the best thing..."

She smiled and couldn't help it, she closed the space to place kiss to his lips, he had put in effort to see her. Nobody had done that much. It surprised her and calmed her nerves. Because he hadn't ran a mile at her conversation topics. And he hadn't pushed her away again.

"I can get delayed again if that's what happens…" He laughed softly. "I brought coffee and doughnuts." He held up the bag between them.

"Sounds good." She smiled, leading him into the kitchen.

They sat at the breakfast bar and their knees kept knocking off each other, not that she was complaining.

"How was the surgery?" She asked, taking a bite out of her doughnut.

"Complicated." He cringed. "What's your favourite colour?" He turned the conversation and smiled.

"Blue." She laughed softly, "What do you work as?" She rolled her eyes in jest. "This is hardly a first date."

"You're right, I'll bring you out to dinner whenever it suits you." He said, sitting up straighter, his tone becoming more serious.

She scoffed, "I don't trust your choices in food." Then she smiled, needing him to know she was only joking, "No, I meant we know each other…"

"We do." He nodded.

"So…I mean, we can skip the awkward first date thing right? I was never very good at it anyway." She blushed.

"I like making you blush." He said before sipping his coffee.

"What am I supposed to say to that Connor?" She laughed and swatted at his arm.

He shrugged, "I was just making an observation. So you want to keep this low-key in cardiology?"

"I don't want to hide this." He had to know that. "But they are only warming up to me. And you have a lot of admirers there..." She practically mumbled.

"I get it. I never want to ruin your chances Sarah." He said, then he smirked, "So I can't go around telling everyone you woke up in my clothes this morning then?"

She shook her head, "I looked horrendous."

"You looked beautiful." He said, leaning over to kiss her softly.

He didn't move too far away afterwards, something she liked.

"So we just don't go flaunting this around in work." He said. "And I don't think I'll ever get fed up of you." He referenced her earlier worry and it made her heart skip a beat.

"That's a deep conversation for a first date Connor Rhodes." She whispered, their foreheads meeting again.

He chuckled, and she could nearly feel the vibrations in his chest as he did. "Someone mentioned us having to talk…."

"That person sounds smart."

"Very smart." He whispered back.

"But I like the sound of that plan." She confessed, she was glad that she wasn't chasing him away with her worries. That he listened to her.

So she told him the names of her sisters, and what her favourite colour, book and movie was. Because he listened and because he was genuinely interested. She loved the fact that they could swap stories back and forth. And he didn't cut across her. He watched her with eyes that lit up when she got excited and rushed out a long winded story about her two sisters, a neighbourhood cat and the fire brigade.

He told her about his decision to go to medical school, his favourite books, his preference of vinyl over CDs and how his grandfather was his biggest fan, under the tough exterior he had.

He acted distraught when she mentioned not seeing much of the city since she moved there. Either spending her time studying or working, hadn't left her much time to sight-see. She didn't mention that Joey had always thought she was childish for wanting to see the touristy sights, and not just the seminars and specialist museums he had wanted to see.

"Okay, next shift we have off, I'm taking you out for the day. I'll bring you to all the tourist spots, we'll take too many pictures and eat too much food. How does that sound?"

It sounded like music to Sarah's ears.

"That sounds great." She smiled but then yawned. She didn't mean to, but tiredness was setting in. The evening had passed so quick in his company. House-mates had come and gone, the sun had set, and blinds drawn, and she didn't realise how late it was until she yawned. They had been talking for hours and then she remembered that she had volunteered for a double shift the following day.

"I'll take that as my hint to leave?" He smiled.

"No, I'm not bored, I just…" She tried to argue.

"I'm messing Sarah. I didn't realise it was so late, I better get going anyway. I have to check in on my surgery patient before my shift tomorrow anyway." He said, shrugging his jacket back on.

"Yeah, I have a double shift tomorrow. Volunteering for an extra shift had sounded like such a good idea last week." She sighed, following him to the door. She had signed up just so she wouldn't have to think about her previous predicament of trying to avoid Connor.

"It can be tiring alright. You'll take care of yourself though right? Drink lots and rest and don't let the other doctors annoy you." His tone was worried and it made her heart warm, he was worried about her.

"I will, I promise."

"I'll see you tomorrow then?" He smiled.

"Definitely."

"Good." He said before he pulled her close to kiss her. He wrapped his arms around her waist, and pulled her flush against him and she wound her hands around his neck and into his hair. They only broke apart when air became a necessity and she idly wondered if the effect he had on her would ever fade. But by the hammering of her heart in her chest and the blush in put in her cheeks, she highly doubted it.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I've gone AU on Season 2 so far, but I just thought the part involving Sarah in season 2, episode 11, Graveyard Shift, would be interesting with Sarah now in cardiology and with Connor etc. I've only run with the part that involved Sarah, not the entire episode. Hope you like this chapter!

Sarah walked into Med the following morning with a huge smile on her face. She was hoping that she and Connor could have their usual morning coffee together again. Back to better times, and she couldn't stop herself from smiling at the thought. Though she reminded herself to lose her smile because April would definitely know that something was up. But every time she tried to, all she could think of was their first kiss, and that only helped to make her smile bigger.

She ducked into the doctors' lounge, slightly disappointed that Connor wasn't there, but went and got changed and got her caffeine drive started early. She was going to need it.

A few nurses came in and out, and Sarah was nearly finished her coffee before the doctors started changing shifts. Natalie, Ethan and Dr Charles and a few of the cardiology came by to prep. Connor came in afterwards, when she was in the middle of discussing the pros and cons of a procedure with Dr Charles, but he caught her eye and smiled. It was like a weight off her shoulders, knowing that she wouldn't have to avoid him anymore.

Shift change was happening, so she was walking to the elevator with Dr Charles when they met Ms Goodwin briefing Maggie.

"We're got another traffic accident people. Look alive." Maggie started talking above the general chatter. "Anything that's not an emergency case, can wait. We've got a school bus pile up. Ambulances arriving. Let's move."

"Daniel, we're going to need you here." Ms Goodwin mentioned as she passed by the pair. "I'm alerting the departments, more residents are on their way…"

"Dr Rhodes, the bus driver, he's yours." Maggie called and Sarah watched as Connor rolled a trolley by her. It seemed like everyone was already helping the ambulances with the children that were piling in. Sarah felt conflicted, she needed approval before she could help, but Dr Kingston was on a week holiday and she hadn't the chance to meet the surgeon on call.

"Dr Reese, with me?" Connor asked as he passed by, there was a lack of staff for the onslaught of patients flooding the ED. She didn't think twice about helping him. That was enough approval as she needed, he was a cardiology fellow, it would have to do.

"Yeah," She nodded, following him into the cubicle and started compressions as Connor intubated and they set up the monitors.

Sarah started a central line, and Connor took a few quick x-rays.

"You're a natural at that now." Connor commented and she smiled, but she didn't have time to think about him, about them. They had work to do. She moved back and forth, around Connor. They had a flow while working together, the same since day one. They could communicate on looks alone and it helped to speed up their work.

Sarah felt her heart sinking, the man wasn't going to make it.

It was difficult, the man lost consciousness, and they lost his pulse twice. She had to watch his vitals drop, while Connor tried to stabilise his heart before surgery. He started haemorrhaging. Badly. His heart was badly damaged and couldn't support the damage done to his lungs and stomach.

Resuscitation didn't work.

"Dammit." Connor sighed and took a step back. "I'm calling it…?"

"Yeah," She nodded in agreement, though despising the fact. She hated not being able to save everyone.

"Time of death, 08:42." He took off his gloves and shook his head.

"There was nothing more we could do." She told him, because she didn't want him carrying it around with him.

"I know." He looked over to her and smiled sadly for the briefest of moments. "It never gets any easier." She didn't miss the pain in his eyes, she ached to reach out and make him feel better, but it wasn't the place.

He closed the curtain behind them and told her he'd see her later when someone called his name to come and help.

"Sarah!" April nearly ran into her, "Ethan needs a hand in treatment 4."

And that was how her morning went by. Helping out where she could, and taking charge with patients when she had a moment. It was draining, and heart-breaking, seeing so many children in pain. But the staff got through it like they always did, together.

"Hey." She greeted Will, Natalie and Doris who were in the doctors' lounge when she caught a break.

"Hey Sarah." Natalie tried to smile.

"Rough morning." She sighed. "Those poor kids."

"Tell me about it." Natalie said, glaring at the screen in front of her.

"I think the last of them have been treated, just back to as normal as it gets around here." Doris said, taking a sip of her coffee.

"Cardiology will be missing you at this rate, Sarah." Will commented. "You were here last shift too, weren't you?"

She laughed, "Yeah, I don't think they'll go as far as missing me yet, but they are warming up. I'm going back up there now."

"Thanks for your help down here." Natalie said, as she went over to root in her locker.

"Oh I'm sure she doesn't stick around here for  _us_ Natalie." Will started smiling his insufferable smile again.

"What are you talking about?" Natalie shook her head.

"I'm just saying that her and Connor work well together is all." Will held his hands up in defense.

"Oh I saw you two were working on a patient before," Doris commented, "How did it go?"

Sarah shrugged, "Didn't make it, I'm afraid."

"Oh I'm sorry." Doris said, before she excused herself and went back to work.

Sarah looked back over to Natalie who was staring at Will, trying to decipher the second meaning to his words. She had to leave the room before Natalie did figure it out. She figured she would tell everyone eventually, just not in the middle of work.

She made her way back up to cardiology and checked in with Jenny. She helped another resident on their rounds. Interesting cases, but nothing they could do immediately. She loved to learn about the variations in cardiology between the different patients, something there was a lot of. She was scheduled in for surgery after lunch, something she missed from her time in ED and got the questions that she was asked correct. The on-call surgeon even commended her for noticing the abnormality in the case that they were working on, something that the senior residents didn't immediately pick up on. Every little victory was worth it, she thought, she would earn their respect eventually.

Another emergency bypass surgery and her shift was coming to an end. The operating theatre felt too small after a while, too long in it and it started to feel like it was closing in around her. It was just a change of atmosphere, a change of pace, something else to adjust to, to learn about. She made her way up to the roof to get some fresh air before changing and starting her next consecutive shift.

She gazed out over the city when she heard him approach. "There you are." He smiled, before settling beside her at the railings, his hand brushing hers. Not enough for people to notice, but enough to make her heart skip a beat in her chest.

"Coffee?" Connor asked, holding up a cup for her. "A little bit later than when I had planned but..." He shrugged, "How was your shift?"

"Long." She decided that was the best word to describe it but thanked him when she took the cup. She was going to need it. Another twelve hours to go. "How was yours?"

"Long." He nodded and bumped her shoulders with his. "I had a patient in the OR, we were so close to saving him…just another minute…" She watched as he shook his head and glared out into the scenery in front of them.

"I'm sorry." She whispered and all she wanted to do was hug him close.

"Thanks." He looked back to her with such intensity that she wondered if anything else around them even existed anymore. "So the night shift huh?"

"Yeah." She moved the cup in her hands back and forth between them.

"Just…" He seemed to think about his words as he turned so his back was facing Chicago and looked to the side to her, "…as far as I can tell, you're one of the only cardiology residents on call tonight. And it's usually down to any cardiology resident around to call time on any patients that…" His words hung in the evening air around them.

"But…" she was suddenly at a loss. "But my bedside manner... I don't know how to…I can explain the facts…but I can't…"

"Sarah. You're one of the most caring people I know. And you can do anything you put your mind to." He placed his hands on her shoulders, calming her slightly.

She just wished she had the confidence in herself that he had in her.

"Thanks for the heads up." She tried to smile. "I better get back to the lounge, I have to change…" She frowned, it was preoccupying her mind now, having to pronounce patients dead…

"I'll walk with you." He said, falling into step beside her.

Where the distance between them before had annoyed her, their closeness now excited and calmed her at the same time. Their arms would bump occasionally and they were so close together as they walked, but always far too apart in her opinion.

He filled the walk with talk about the list of sights he was thinking they should visit and she mentioned the ones her sisters wanted memorabilia from. It was what she needed. A distraction from work, just for a few minutes before another twelve hours. He distracted her, in a good way. She noticed the tension in his shoulders easing as they walked and chatted easily, she was glad she could distract him from the hard day's work as well.

They were walking along the empty hallway, nearing the exit, when he stopped to turn to her.

"Call me, if you need anything..." He said, suddenly so much closer.

"Yeah, I will." She smiled briefly before he glanced around and kissed her gently.

It was warming, knowing that he wasn't going to chastise her for being hurt, for caring, like Joey had. He just cared about how she was dealing with everything.

"I'll see you later. Have a good shift." He told her, letting go of her hand as he walked in the direction of the exit just as a doctor rounded the other corner. Sarah smiled after him before turning and taking the elevator down to the doctors' lounge, hoping the doctor didn't notice their intimate behaviour.

She stopped to talk to April and Doris in the cardiology bay for a while, before making her way to the lounge.

"Hey Reese." Ethan greeted her from where he was packing his bag. "You not going home?"

"No. I volunteered for a night shift, it seemed like a better idea at the time." She laughed softly, sitting down.

"They always do." He laughed along before heading towards the changing rooms and the door opened again and Joey walked in. She hadn't talked to him since they broke up. Maybe a hello in the hallway but never one to one. She was unsure of what move she should make.

"Hey Joey." She attempted a smile in his direction.

"Sarah." He said with a bob of his head.

"Em…how…how are you?"

He scoffed from the kitchenette where his back was turned to her, "I'm not doing as good as you are, apparently."

"I'm sorry?" She frowned, what was that supposed to mean?

"So you gave up on us and you dating that doctor the entire time huh?" He turned to face her. "Beth from pathology saw you guys a few minutes ago. Don't try to deny it."

She swallowed. News travelled exceptionally fast around Med. "Joey. I never cheated on you. I wouldn't do that." She said, standing up.

"You move on pretty quick though, huh?"

That made the hairs on the back of her neck rise. She didn't like being goaded. She didn't like how he got to be annoyed, when he dumped her. He had been fed up with her complaining about her job, now she had found someone who wanted her to talk about it. She wasn't going to regret it. And he didn't get to insult her anymore. Wasn't she now the very version of herself that Joey didn't want?

"That's not fair." She said. "You didn't want this anymore. I'm not the old me, remember? And you're the one dating the new student. How am I supposed to know that you don't just have a new student every year?"

"Yeah, well, your new doctor won't waste much time on you. You're not Dr Zanetti are you?"

That hurt. That was like a slap to the face.

"Is everything okay here?" Ethan had reappeared and broke the loaded glares that had settled between her and Joey. She wondered how everything got so toxic between them. She supposed not many couples made it when they worked in such a high-risk environment together.

But that only made her worry more.

Joey mumbled something about ED doctors before leaving the room and leaving Sarah fuming.

"You okay Sarah?" Ethan asked, picking up his bag.

"Yeah. Yeah I'm fine." She shook her head but then nodded.

"See you later. Have a good shift."

Ah.

Right. Another twelve hours. Of mulling over Joey's words. Of apparently having to call time on deaths of patients. Of working in an environment where her colleagues didn't quite like her yet, but if news travelled so fast, she supposed, they definitely wouldn't like her now. Her first double shift couldn't have come at a worse time.

She assisted in two heart attack patients that needed emergency surgery under the on-call surgeon before Connor's prediction came through. Sarah was five hours in and hoping she could continue with the relatively calm work when she was paged.

One of the nurses was waiting for her in the ICU when she had rushed down from the cath lab.

Sarah didn't blame the nurse. The woman needed a doctor. It was protocol. The nurse, in fairness, even gave her a stethoscope and acted out how it should be done for Sarah.

But it didn't make it any easier. It broke Sarah's heart to relay the news to the patient's son. She knew her bedside manner needed work, and the paranoia at her own abilities just made it all worse. She just hadn't grasped how to mix the compassion she had with her medical training and the diagnosis's she had to give.

In the space of the next few hours she had had three more patients to pronounce dead.

She couldn't complain about not getting enough practice. It was horrible, it made her stomach drop and she had to blink back tears after every call.

And she was so tired.

"Dr Reese? Dr Gellar would like to see you." A nurse stopped Sarah in the hallway.

"Oh, ok, thanks." She said before changing her direction and heading in the way of the on-call surgeons office.

"Ah, Dr Reese. How are you finding the night shift?" Dr Gellar asked as he invited Sarah in and shuffled around some papers.

"It's…different."

"It is a change of pace." The man smiled in understanding. "There's nothing wrong, I'm just catching up on some of my paperwork for what I'm covering for Dr Kingston. Dotting the I's and crossing the t's. And, I'm sure it's a simple clerical error, but you were in cardiology on time this morning? You were at my surgeries, so I can vouch for your attendance today." He smiled. "But I don't see you signing in for your consultations with Dr Baker this morning?"

"Actually, no, I was in the ED, there was an emergency case, I explained the situation after to Dr Baker though, he understands."

She watched Dr Gellar's carefree demeanour change in an instant.

"I'm sorry? Were you cleared to be in the ED? You were clearly assigned to be shadowing Dr Baker."

"Em…Dr Rhodes needed my assistance…"

"The man you're seeing?" He practically shot Sarah between the eyes.

Sarah swallowed, well technically they hadn't been on a  _date_  yet, but by the way Dr Gellar was looking at her, she hardly though the specifics of their relationship was what Dr Gellar was worried about.

The other doctor sighed, "We have shadowing and mentoring in place for our new residents Dr Reese, we expect them to make the best of it. And I, like Dr Kingston, I'm sure, do not approve of private relationships interfere with your professional life."

"I understand." Sarah argued, "It was an emergency case. I didn't help because of Dr Rhodes and I…"

"You have promise, Dr Reese. You could go far, especially from what I have observed from your work today. But I expect better of our new residents than breaking our rules for the sake of private relationships. Consider this your first and only warning. You're excused."

Sarah wasn't used to getting into trouble. She followed rules to a tee since she could remember. She had understood the need of flexibility in the ED though. She decided that maybe the change in her wasn't such a bad thing.

She just nodded and mumbled something between an apology and thanks to Dr Gellar before leaving. She missed the staff she knew, she didn't know anyone on the night shift, and she wanted a friendly face right then.

To top it all off, she was called to pronounce another patient dead.

She was somewhere between being numb and being overloaded with emotions a few hours later.

Too much caffeine, too many dead patients, being reprimanded, and being practically insulted by Joey left Sarah completely drained by the time the sun rose and change of shift was signaled.

She left the hospital but didn't even remember how she had got to the door that was in front of her, but knocked anyway.

"Sarah?" Connor's voice sounded as soon as he came to the door. "Sweetheart, what's wrong?"

Sarah shook her head before resting it in her hands.

"Sarah?"

The only answer she could give came out in muffled sobs. She felt pathetic. Utterly pathetic. And so tired.

She didn't register what was happening until he seemed to surround her. His scent, his arms, pulled her close and wrapped her up in him. She finally gave way, and wound her own arms around him, crying into his shirt.

"I can't do this. I've messed up everything. I've had too many deaths in one day. And the poor patients families! I'm not going to be good enough. I'm letting myself down, you down, the department down. I'm not who you should be with…I'm not your type, I'm awkward and…And I'm so tired." She stifled a sob, placing her hand in front of her mouth, wincing at the headache she had. But needing to give  _some_ explanation as to why she would just turn up at his door this time in the morning.

All the time, he just nodded, and kissed her hair and led her inside to sit down.

"I'm sorry! I'm so sorry, I shouldn't be here, I…" She kicked herself, because she had cried at him before they had had a first date. That would surely make him change his mind, he couldn't like this new her, Joey definitely didn't…

"Yes, you should." He said, "I'm glad you're here okay?" He pulled her back to him when she tried to leave. "Shifts like that, they get to all of us at some stage. You just rest. I'm right here. And I don't plan on going anywhere Sarah." He said as she dropped her head to rest on his chest. "And you're a brilliant doctor, and an amazing person..." He kissed her head again and she found herself relaxing. She could hear his heart beating under his shirt, enough that it lulled her into a deep sleep.


	11. Chapter 11

Sarah awoke with a start. Her dreams were haunted with misdiagnosis' and patients dying and their families chasing her. But she found that she couldn't move. Something was holding her place, or rather someone.

"Hey." Connor said softly and it took her a moment to open her eyes and gauge her surroundings. She was lying half on top of Connor who still had his arms wrapped around her.

She blinked a few times, to rid her reality of her nightmares and smiled at him, "Hi,"

But then the memories of her actions came flooding back to her, "I am so sorry..." She made to leave but he held her against his chest.

"Don't be." He repeated, "I'm glad you're here."

She left his words sink in and hug her like his arms were.

"You hungry?" He asked, kissing her hair.

"Yeah, I could eat." She was too tired and not yet awake enough to think about her words.

"Good." He said, then unwound himself from her and replaced himself with a cushion from the chair next to the sofa that she was now laying on. She watched him shuffle over to the kitchen as she lay her head back against the cushion. It wasn't the same as him.

She rubbed her eyes and sat up, "How long did I sleep for?"

He glanced at the clock on the wall as he took some things out of the refrigerator, "About two hours."

"I'm sorry." She sighed.

"Don't be. I'm glad you're here." He shot her one of his proper smiles, something she hardly saw enough of in work. But she got it, they all needed to maintain some distance between themselves and the work. It was one of his smiles that she always found rather infectious.

She hugged the cushion and watched him get to work, "Anything I can help you with?"

"No, it's fine, I like cooking…"

She laughed softly as he frowned slightly at whatever he was chopping. "That doesn't stop me from helping…"

He sighed, then looked over and smiled in defeat. "I…I have to work with people all the time, I like doing this by myself…don't tell the rest of the team…"

"I won't." She said, liking the fact that he would admit it to her.

So she sat back and watched him work with the same precision as he did in the operating theatre. It was fascinating, and alluring, to watch.

When her feelings of uselessness began to seep in again, she got up to go and help set the table, something to keep her occupied. She got the cutlery out of the drawer he pointed to and they danced around each other like they did when treating a patient, like they already knew where the other was going and what they were doing.

"Oh no, Connor, I didn't even think, are you working today? I must be upsetting your plans…and I show up unannounced…" And she was just about to start rambling again when he interrupted her. She was starting to feel quite fond of his interruptions.

"Believe me, you're a welcome distraction." He said, turning to hold her waist and kiss her softly. "I'm on-call for trauma today and tonight. I wasn't doing anything today except pacing the floor waiting for my pager.  _You_ just made my day a lot better."

Sarah couldn't help the smile that crept onto her face.

They sat down a little later to eat breakfast. Sarah mused that she had never enjoyed a breakfast so much before. The food he made was amazing and he kept looking at her like she was the sun that had rose that morning, in awe.

He eventually got her to relay her shift to him. He said he could still see her mulling over it, and he wasn't wrong. So she told about the patients. He listened intently, and even wiped away the tear that rolled down her face. Sometimes she just needed someone to listen.

She debated about telling him about Joey. But after demanding that  _he_ talk to her, she figured it would be best not to hide anything. He had already taken her in like she was his long term girlfriend and not the girl he had yet to go on a date with, so she thought that she owed him the truth.

So she told him about her run in with Joey, the stupid remarks that made her doubt herself and the fact that they had been caught. She saw the change in him immediately, the tension in his muscles and the coldness seep into his gaze. She had to make him promise not to do anything stupid. Joey was her problem, and if he bothered her again, she would fix it.

Connor looked conflicted when she told him about the warning she had gotten.

"I shouldn't have asked you to help without clearance…" he admitted, "but I'm not going to regret it, I needed your help."

"I didn't give it a second thought…" Sarah admitted, "Which is new for me. But I really need to toe the line now, I can't lose this residency."

"You won't." He told her, covering her hand with his. "We'll just have to be more careful."

They cleared off the table afterwards, and found their spots back on the sofa. Putting on whatever movie he clicked on, she soon found that he was a person that talked his way through a movie. Complaining about the inaccuracies and his commentary had her laughing so hard she nearly cried. She threw the popcorn at him every now and again, but it only defeated the purpose of annoying him when he ate it instead. He pulled her close, so she rested her legs over his lap and he wrapped his arm around her shoulder and played with her hair.

And then his pager beeped.

"And there it is…" He groaned. He sighed, leaning his head down so their foreheads met, "I don't want to leave…" He admitted.

And it hit her then. That he must get lonely too. He may be a big shot surgeon, but he was practically estranged from his family and childhood friends. He had moved around so much before that she didn't know if he had much friends that weren't from Med and could work around his timetable either.

"Hey, next time you see me outside of Med, you owe me that date right?"

For a second she was terrified that her sobbing at his door a few hours earlier would have turned him off that. But she shouldn't have been, because her words brought a smile back to his face and he agreed.

* * *

 

After leaving Connor's apartment when he left for his emergency call and getting home and getting a marathon sleeping session in, Sarah found the next week of shifts ran a lot smoother. Dr Kingston was back and Sarah felt like she was finally learning the ropes in cardiology. She felt it easier to work with Connor too, because she had set boundaries in her mind, but she didn't have to avoid him anymore. Since word of their rumoured relationship got around to her superiors, she felt under a lot more scrutiny, held to a higher standard. But she felt up for the challenge. She knew what she was doing, and learning more every day, she had her ED team behind her for advice should she need it, and she had Connor, someone to believe in her even when she couldn't believe in herself.

They had their coffees together in the mornings when they could and chatted on the phone after shifts. But between work and study and this new scrutiny she was under, she didn't even have time for Mollys. That was why she was looking forward to the following day. Her first shift off that coincided with Connors. The day of their first official date. Sarah got up that morning, and got dressed. Then she changed her outfit, and changed it again as the butterflies played havoc in her stomach. She realised she was being slightly ridiculous, but she didn't care. She was going on a date. With Connor.

The doorbell rang and she grabbed her bag and bolted down the stairs in record time and to the door before her housemates could get to it. She opened the door to reveal Connor standing on the other side, looking all dressed up and handsome and she could swear that he looked as nervous as she felt.

" _I don't so relationships well Sarah"_ He had said, so his nervous demeanour made sense to her now. This  _thing_  between them was as important to him as it was to her.

After nervous greeting and a kiss that did nothing to calm her racing heart, they started their walk to the nearest train station, forgoing his car for the real tourist experience. They fell into a nice rhythm, letting go of the medical jargon they used around each other at work and replacing it with life stories, stupid jokes and stolen glances. He even bought a polaroid camera with him to record her experience at all the tourist hot spots.

She had to complicated his photography skills when he took pictures of her on the Sky Deck of the Wallis Tower. He pointed out spots along the streets that he had grown up on that had a story to with them. It was along their walk on the bustling walkways of the Navy Pier that he reached her for hand, for fear of losing her in the crowds. She wasn't complaining about it. Her day felt even more like it was from a movie when their hands fit together perfectly. They got their picture taken together outside Wringley Stadium. They wandered through Lincoln Park, where Connor knew the best stops. And if her hand ever left his, he reached for it straightaway. She half wondered if she would ever be able to stop smiling ever again.

They were making their way along the streets again, where the street lights were beginning to turn on when Sarah noticed the brightest building on the opposite side of the street.

"We can go in, if you want." He said, but she could see the pain and confliction flicker across his face when he followed her gaze to look at Rhodes Department Stores. "Most tourists do love having a look around."

"No, I don't care…" She said, shrugging and scrunching up her nose at the place that obviously had played a large, and unhealthy, part in Connor's life.

Sure, she had heard nothing but good things about the store and legacy from her housemates when they finally realised the man who had kept Sarah enthralled in their kitchen that evening was none other than a  _Rhodes_. But she wouldn't step foot inside the place. She wouldn't, she couldn't, do that to him, not when she saw the pain in his eyes.

So he just nodded and they kept walking, Sarah stopping to take pictures of the long avenues that were lit up against the weaning light of the sunshine. Connor brought her to a small restaurant down a small side street that he promised was his favourite place in all of Chicago.

"You know, that's what I didn't understand about you at first." He stated after they got their menus.

"What?" She asked.

"You weren't suddenly charmed by my name. You didn't treat me any differently like some people did when they found out."

"Well, I was more charmed by  _you_ , not your name." She admitted and the words were out of her mouth before she could take them back, causing a blush to creep onto her cheeks.

"But you didn't think  _Rhodes_ …when you found out I was me…you didn't treat me any differently."

"I didn't care if you were rich or not. You were a great doctor, and you were patient and nice with me. You saw  _me_ , even when I was a floundering medical student…" She shrugged. "So I didn't really care if you had grew up as a rich kid or not. I figure there's more to people than their money anyway."

He stared over at her and shook his head with a smile. "Thank you." He said with such sincerity that they didn't the notice the waitress coming back to take their orders.

"And, at the risk of bolstering your ego, I ordered that green salad on purpose. I didn't need you to win e over with fancy expensive food. I was already on your side."

"A hazard that comes with growing up with money." He shrugged, "I  _was_ trying to get people on my side. I know what it's like to have people work against me rather than with me. And when people figure out my name comes with what it does, it tends to really win them over." He confessed.

They got their orders and waded through the various magnets and trinkets and pictures that they had accumulated during their day. Night fell quickly outside. But inside, in dimmed lights and Connor for company, Sarah couldn't imagine a better way to spend a night.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed this chapter!
> 
> I've never been to Chicago so I was trusting tourist websites when I picked out the places they would visit, so I apologize if visiting all those places in one day it isn't terribly realistic, I just didn't want their date to end :)


	12. Chapter 12

It took Sarah awhile to get used to the idea that she was properly  _dating_ Connor Rhodes. After that first date, they settled into a rhythm of morning meet-ups and he scheduled his time around the time she had free from work and study. Will still hadn't told anyone, as far as Sarah could gauge. And she worked hard enough that nobody in cardiology could doubt her, and revert back to blaming her relationship with Dr Rhodes.

Between their schedules, she and Connor went to see movie marathons in the cinema that Sarah used to de-stress in when she was on her student rotation. Connor would call around to her house whenever she had spent too long studying to deliver food and coffee. Connor brought her to the Hawaiian bar that was Dr Downey's favourite and Sarah brought them on a picnic date in Lincoln Park.

She had gotten through another few heart surgeries and had even been invited to the cardiology residents' night out that was planned for the following month. Connor was still juggling trauma with cardiology and was finally finding a way of working with the new surgeons, that didn't measure up Dr Downey, but he was beginning to become fond of. She had a rare day off and Connor was only on call so she found herself sitting at his breakfast bar watching him cook them dinner.

The nervousness around him had all but vanished but that didn't mean the butterflies disappeared. Every time that he would smile or laugh at something she said, or remember a tiny detail about her life, or kiss her when she wasn't expecting it, they would flutter around inside her.

"Is it like surgery? Follow the directions?" She pondered while observing his methods.

"You want a go?" He asked, looking up from where he was cutting something up.

"I thought you didn't like anybody in your kitchen?" She smiled from where her head was resting in her hands on top of the counter.

"You're not just anybody." He stated while he threw something into a bowl and looked back around to her.

There went the butterflies and flutter of her heart.

She hopped off the stool apprehensively and rounded the island to him, "Are you sure?"

"Yeah. Okay, take this…" he said, transferring the electric whisk to her hand, while holding the bowl with his own. "and just hold it lightly like this…"

He was close enough to completely derail her thoughts but she forced herself to focus on the task at hand. "Okay?" He asked.

"Mmm hmm." She nodded, biting her lip in focus.

He let go of her hand with the whisk and everything was going okay until he let go of the bowl, and she was too distracted by his movements to think to hold the bowl in place. It slipped and the whisk went with it and whatever the mixture was in the bowl went flying. Landing over the counter top and spattering all over her top and even landing on her cheek.

He was all around her in an instant, shutting off the offending whisk, and catching the bowl before it hit the ground. Embarrassment burned her cheeks as she tried in vain to wipe the mixture off her top.

"That's why you shouldn't let people in your kitchen." She half laughed and half moaned in defeat.

A smile played on his lips, "In fairness, I would have burnt the entire dinner if you kept standing there biting your lip and looking so distracting."

She felt her cheeks burn for an entirely different reason.

"Here, I'll finish this, you go and get a shirt to change into, I'll throw that one into the wash for you." He said, while wiping the food off her cheek with his thumb. "There are some in the top drawer of the dresser in my room."

"Okay. I think it's safer for both of us if I stay out of your kitchen anyway." She somehow found her voice and laughed.

She wandered over to the door that she knew lead into his room and looked back to where he was bustling around the kitchen again and let herself in.

His scent hit her straight away. And she found the room to be nearly as bare as the rest of his apartment. It was bigger than the spare bedroom she had stayed in, with views that awed her.

She didn't want him to think that she was snooping so she quickly made her way over to the dresser and picked the first t-shirt she laid her hands on and had changed before she noticed the view pieces of personal furnishings that he had decorated with.

His various medical certificates were framed on the wall. And on his bedside locker sat two framed pictures. The first one was of a woman that she knew straight away had to be his mother. She had his eyes and the same mess of black hair and was hugging two children that were beaming at the camera. The boy had to be Connor and Sarah assumed the other little girl was Claire. The other picture that stood beside it had a younger Connor in with a mix of different people in the sunshine, somewhere exotic looking.

She swerved around when he called to ask if she was okay and called back before folding her own top and was about to leave when she noticed the only other photo in the room. One of the polaroid's photographs that had been taken of them together on their first date was stuck to the mirror on his wardrobes. It was one that she had thought that she had misplaced. She swore her smile couldn't get any bigger and her heart swelled with glee. She was one of the few tokens that he kept on view when at home.

She had just made it to the laundry bin and back to the kitchen, in one of his t-shirts that looked more like a dress on her, when the door rang. He frowned in confusion and excused himself to answer it. She reclaimed her seat at the island before she heard voices coming down the hallway.

Sarah didn't like the situation at all. She was sat in Connor's clothes and her hair was frizzing from the heat of the kitchen when Connor walked back in with a woman in tow. Sarah vaguely remembered her from her first few weeks on student rotation, but she knew who she was instantly because she had seen her moments before, in the picture on his bedside locker.

"Sarah, this is my sister, Claire." He said. "Claire, this is my girlfriend, Sarah Reese."

It took Sarah a few seconds to process the fact that he had called her his girlfriend before she hopped down from the stool and shook Claire's hand. "Hi, it's nice to meet you." She said in earnest.

"It's nice to meet you Sarah." His sister had his same no-nonsense manner that he had when dealing with situations he wasn't fond of, Sarah noted.

"You didn't tell me you were calling." Connor mentioned as he went about draining and fixing up the food he was cooking.

"I didn't know I needed to announce myself." She said it lightly but Sarah didn't miss the shadowed glares that sat between the siblings.

Sarah was trying to focus on breathing so much that she forgot that she was sitting there, completely mute, while his sister took a seat beside her. And she badly wanted to make a good impression. Because she was officially his girlfriend now.

"You don't." He shot back.

"Well, I didn't realise I would be interrupting anything. You never do much on your days on call."

Sarah would have missed it if she hadn't been looking at Connor, the slight glance he threw in Sarah's direction and the subsequent frown that formed when he saw her looking like she wanted to bolt.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know I had to run my schedule by you in that much detail…" He deadpanned as he rested on Sarah's side on the opposite side of the counter.

"Oh well you have record of not keeping me informed, remember." Claire shot back

Sarah wanted to make a good impression but she felt the need to jump in before she was the catalyst for another falling out between the siblings, that had startling similar tempers.

"Oh you're not interrupting anything, we were just having dinner…" Sarah jumped in to tell Claire and sent a quick hard look at Connor, trying to tell him to back down.

He did just that and turned around to make sure nothing burned.

Sarah could have swore she saw a smile flicker over Claire's features but if it did, it was gone before it even formed properly.

"So, what is it you do Sarah? Model? Act?" Claire directed the last two words at Connor's back, and Sarah had enough siblings to notice Claire's attempt at goading her older brother. It worked because she could practically see his eyes darken when he turned back around to defend her.

"Actually, I'm a cardiology resident, at Med." Sarah spoke up before an argument could break out.

"A doctor?" She watched Claire's eyebrows rise.

"Sometimes I wonder that myself, but yes." She tried to smile, to offer a joke, anything to get the woman's approval.

"You're a great doctor, Sarah." Connor said on instinct, looking her in the eye with a frown that meant he wasn't happy with her selling herself short and momentarily forgetting his sister was in the room.

"I'm impressed. Not many people get the Connor Rhodes seal of approval." Claire commented.

"So…Connor mentioned you work in your family's business?" Sarah grappled for any topic that would deter the attention from herself.

"Well." She shrugged, " _Someone_ had to take over the family business."

Sarah swallowed and wanted to kick herself for bringing it up.

"I'm sure you're doing a great job." She offered, and watched Connor send her a smile over his sisters shoulder from the fridge at her attempt at conversation.

"Well I should get going I suppose, I don't want to ruin your evening." Claire said as she stood up and fixed her bag on her shoulder.

"Oh no, don't leave because of me." Sarah jumped up too. Because of the brief mentions that Connor made of Claire, Sarah was painfully away of the guilt he carried around with him for leaving his sister and his want,  _need_ , to rebuild the bridges that had been destroyed. "Honestly, we can do this another time right?" She asked Connor, who glanced between her and Claire. "You should have dinner with Connor, I already nearly ruined his attempt at cooking, you're probably a safer option as a guest…we can catch up in Molly's later right?"

Connor's expression softened, "You sure?"

"Of course." Sarah said, then bit back her instinct to kiss him goodbye in front of Claire, she bounced awkwardly on her feet before turning to Claire. "Emm…it was nice to meet you. Enjoy your evening." She smiled and was slightly surprised when Claire smiled back. It lit her face up the way Connor's smiles did.

"Sarah," He half called while she went to leave and she spun on the spot.

"Yeah?" She asked before he gave her a kiss goodbye. "Thank you." He murmured quietly.

"Call me later?" She told him before excusing herself and bereft herself for not making a better impression on Claire Rhodes.

* * *

And he did just that. He called her and told her about the time he had with Claire. Something he had been missing lately and thanked her again.

He wasn't the only person to call her though. Hannah, her younger sister by two years, called too. They were always told that they were chalk and cheese. Hannah was everything that Sarah wasn't, she was outgoing and always the life of the party. She had blonde hair and working in business. She was in Chicago on a last minute business trip with whatever company she was working with. They were going out with the team and Hannah rang to ask what the name of the bar that Sarah was always mentioning. She figured she could give her team a good night out and also catch up with her older sister before flying home the next morning.

Sarah was beyond excited. If there was one thing that she regretted about her choice of career, it was the lack of contact that she had with her family. Sure, she called her parents every other day and messaged her sisters every day but it wasn't the same as seeing them all the time.

Sarah told Hannah to bring the team to Molly's and then relayed the information to Connor as she got ready. She could  _hear_  him smiling through the phone when he mentioned how excited she sounded. She couldn't help it, she was the big sister, and she couldn't wait to see at least one of her baby sisters.

She finally made it to Molly's where Dawson immediately greeted her from where she was cleaning up one of the tables. "Long time no see! How are you doing?"

"Good thanks, getting used to life in cardiology, I think." She smiled.

"That's great to hear. Go up to the bar, Herrmann is serving." She excused herself as she got caught up in some light-hearted argument with some of the firefighters.

Sarah manoeuvred around the space that was bustling with people, before her eyes found Connor. She caught a glimpse of him sitting at the bar, talking to a woman. Or rather, the woman was talking at him, it seemed. There was nothing wrong with that, she mused, it was the fact that the woman was wearing a very revealing outfit and fawning over him.

_Model? Act?_

Sarah couldn't help it, Claire's words rebounded around her head. Because that woman beside Connor was more his type wasn't she? Sarah wasn't stupid, she knew he had admirers in the hospital, he was a renowned surgeon, with a Chicago renowned name. Self-doubt hit her with such force that she wondered if she was still breathing. She never believed in her own abilities, and she was sometimes awkward and her hair was certainly not as sleek as that woman's curtain of shiny and sleek blonde hair.

She didn't think that Connor would cheat on her, something she was certain of, but Sarah couldn't help but wonder if he would be better off with the woman beside him. Someone who was confident and not completely mess-up her encounter with his sister. Someone who would always say the right things. Someone who wasn't awkward and self-depreciating as she was.

Before she could overthink things too much, Connor's eyes met hers over the head of the woman fawning over him. And she saw him sigh in relief. The woman turned around as Sarah approached. She was sure she nearly fell out of her standing when the woman turned around and revealed herself to be none other than Hannah.

Someone who was successful and always confident in herself.

"Sarah!" Her sister exclaimed before throwing herself at her and giving her a bone crushing hug. "I've missed you."

"Oh sorry," Sarah watched as Hannah turned back to Connor to apologise, "This is my sister, Sarah."

"We've met before." He smiled, then turned his attention to Sarah, "Hey Sweetheart."

"What's your name again?" Hannah asked Connor.

"I didn't tell you." Connor told her.

"Hey," Sarah tried to smile but her thoughts were still picking away at her heart. "Hannah, this is Connor." And when nothing seemed to register with her sister, she repeated herself, " _Connor."_

"You're  _Connor_. Oh my gosh! It's so nice to meet you." She turned back around to shake his hand while Connor looked slightly bemused.

" _That's_  why you weren't interested." Hannah went on, "Cute guy by himself, basically ignored me, I was wondering what that was about…" She laughed, "I'll get you a drink." She told Sarah before excusing herself.

"So...you've met Hannah." Sarah said, watching her sister go. "She's always been more outgoing than me." She mused out loud.

"I'm glad you're here." He said, wrapping his arm around her waist. "You're sister is…ah…" He frowned, thinking about his words. "…Charming?"

"She's something alright. She got her looks from Mom, everyone says I look like my Dad." She couldn't help the frown, "She's always been vivacious and got the guys…" She started murmering off reasons why her sister was better than her but Connor cut in.

"She's a bit much." He admitted, "I don't mean any offense, but I think I got the right Reese." He smiled and she could feel her self-doubt release it's clutch on her heart. Because he stared at her like she was the only thing that mattered in the room. He looked so perfectly contented and happy just looking in her eyes and having her by his side, that she couldn't doubt that he liked her just as much as she liked him.

"So don't freak out and go all doctor on me" Hannah said as she came back, "But they changed Dad's heart tablets again."

"What?" Sarah exclaimed as she took the drink from her sister and Connor squeezed her waist in support.

"I figured it was better you heard in person." Hannah shrugged, "The doctors said it was fine, but Dad told me to give you their number anyways, he knew you'd want to double check…"

"Of course I do! I told him to ring me if he…"

"Sarah, he knows your life is hectic, just give him a call tomorrow. He's fine." She reiterated.

Sarah just sighed, "Okay." Because she knew her sister, if Sarah panicked, it sent her three younger sisters panicking too.

"I better get back over to my boss for a little while." Hannah rolled her eyes, "It was good meeting you." She shook Connor's hand, before pulling him closer. "But you hurt my beautiful sister and I  _will_  hurt you."

"We're a loyal family." Sarah said as way of explanation while they watched her sister glide over to the other side of the bar.

"That must be nice." He commented.

"Hey, I hope you didn't mind earlier…" He said, after a silence.

"About what?" Sarah asked.

"I called you my girlfriend…" He smiled.

"I was hoping I am your girlfriend." She admitted, risking a glance over at him.

He practically beamed at her, "Just making sure we're on the same page." He said, "Relationships? Complicated." He sighed.

So she intertwined her fingers with his to reassure him, "I like to think we're doing well..."


End file.
